Nearly all schools hold parent-teacher conferences in the fall. But frequency and duration vary from one academic setting to another. “We have them at the beginning of the school year, but you can do more if you need to,” says Nancy Thomas, mother of three children. “They last about 15 minutes, and we can come during either the day or at night.” The school where Andrea teaches schedules conferences twice a year, in the fall and spring. “Mine run about 45 minutes, and if we need more time, I go for an hour.” The shortest time she holds them is about 30 minutes. “I try very hard to stay on schedule because once you get off, everyone after you is waiting.” For this reason, Andrea encourages parents to come on time and be prepared. “If they have specific questions or concerns, I want them to be able to bring them to the table.” That is what Darlene does. “Before leaving for conferences, I jot down a few things that come to mind, either concerns I have or things I have seen while watching my kids do homework.” One time it was a problem from the year before she didn’t want to see crop up again. “I’ve found that if I don’t make a list of what I want to discuss, I leave and on the way home think, ‘Oh, I meant to bring that up!’” Another thing Darlene does is talk with her children before leaving for the conference. “When the kids first started school, they seemed a little anxious whenever they found out I was going to the meetings,” she explains. “So now before I leave home, I just let them know if there is anything in particular I am going discuss with their teacher. This way, they can relax while I’m gone.” “I like to invite the student to come to the conference,” says Andrea. “I think it’s important for them to hear what’s going on—the good things we say about them and what we need to work on. It’s important for them to see this is a joint effort and they have to do their part to make it happen.”* From time to time, Andrea will have a parent who doesn’t want her child sitting at the table during the conference. In the event this happens, Andrea gets the student busy doing something else. “I always have paper, crayons, and books on hand. I bring snacks too.” This is also helpful if younger siblings tag along. “I always try to work with the parents. If they bring their baby and he is crying, we work around that. My goal is to get the parent there so we can talk.” During conference time, parents can expect to get a glimpse of their child’s work and find out how he is progressing. “I keep a portfolio for each student with documentation that is divided into sections—reading, language arts, math, social studies and science, and behavior,” Andrea explains. “First we listen to a taped recording of the child reading, then go through their portfolio.” As they progress through each subject, Andrea will note if the child is doing well in a particular subject and address areas of concern. If there is a problem, she makes a recommendation and asks for the parent’s input. This has been Nancy’s experience. “When my kids were younger—the early elementary years—the teacher would show me samples of my child’s work and give me her feedback.” This, she says, gave her a better understanding of how her child was doing. “It’s important to hear from the teacher’s perspective. You may be thinking things are fine, but the teacher may have a concern.” Darlene found this to be true. She thought her daughter Jayden was doing just fine until conference time. During the meeting, the teacher mentioned five test papers that were supposed to be signed by the parent but had not been returned. “When the teacher told me my daughter hadn’t returned the tests, I was floored! It was so unlike Jayden to be this irresponsible.” When Darlene got home, she asked her daughter about the papers and found it was a big misunderstanding. “Jayden looked totally shocked,” Darlene recalls. “She said, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize they had to be signed and returned!’ Then she ran and got her backpack and there they all were, stuffed in the bottom of her bag.” Darlene notes if she hadn’t attended the conference, the situation may have gotten worse. It is natural for parents to come to the conference table with expectations, but they should realize teachers have some too. “My biggest expectation is that the parent wants to be there,” says Andrea. “I want them to listen, but I also want them to share. They know their child best.” One thing parents can do is tell the teacher a little about their child’s likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses. It may even help to let the teacher know if there are any stressful conditions in the child’s life—move to new neighborhood, death of a loved one, divorce, etc. “Anything that would help me to understand their child better, I want to know,” says Andrea. If, during the conference, an academic or behavioral issue is addressed, most teachers make a recommendation and ask for the parent’s input. “When my daughter started first grade, she had a big academic struggle ahead of her,” Nancy explains. “Jessica had attended kindergarten at another school that didn’t stress phonics, and that put her really behind the other kids who were now in her class.” During the conference, Nancy and the teacher talked about ways to get Jessica caught up. “The teacher was very reassuring. We came up with a plan, and in time, she was doing fine.” And what if you have a problem with your child’s teacher? “Try to be non confrontational but deal with the issue,” says Darlene. “Express your concern without making accusations, and work together to solve it.” Andrea agrees. “If parents have questions or concerns with me, I want them to come and tell me. Then if they aren’t satisfied with my answer or don’t get the results they are expect, they can go to the principal. But I ask that they work with me first.” Following the conference, parents should sit down with their child and talk about what was discussed. “When we get home, I always tell the kids what the teacher says, and if she makes a suggestion, we put her ideas into practice. Then I follow up with the teacher when needed,” Darlene says. Nancy does this too. “Whether there is a problem or not, I tell the kids everything that went on. I want them to know we are all working together on this.” And working together is what it is all about. “I try to give 100 percent and I want the parent and child give 100 percent too,” says Andrea. “What it boils down to is communication and cooperation—that’s what parent-teacher conferences are all about,” Darlene concludes. “It shouldn’t be the only time you touch base with the teacher. But it should lay the groundwork for a working relationship that will benefit your child throughout the school year.” * The procedure for parent teacher conferences varies from school to school. Check with your child’s school to see if they allow students to attend the meetings. |
