It's one of those late nights. At 9:00PM your daughter is frantically trying to complete a project that is due the next day. What's more, for the past week you have asked her to pick up the clothes that are strewn across the floor of her room. (She generally waits to clean her room unless she is told that she cannot play with friends until it's done.) So in the midst of the squalor in her room, and within earshot of your reprimands about her waiting until the last minute, she completes the project that had been assigned two weeks ago.

Children (and adults) have different styles in which they approach and complete tasks, including how they manage time. The particular style in which people complete tasks seems to become solidified early in life-even in elementary school-and has a lot to do with how individuals manage their anxiety. Do-it-ahead-of-time people are anxious and feel pressured until they get a project finished, so they prefer to start early. Yet others will postpone completing tasks or assignments until the deadline is very close which causes them to be anxious and feel pressured. These people are typically called procrastinators.

Procrastination has come to have a negative meaning, and it is often considered to be a shortcoming, weakness, or even a psychological condition. Likely this negative connotation persists because those who procrastinate can trigger annoyance in people who do things ahead of schedule. As a result, the so-called procrastinators often spend their lives being accused and reprimanded because they postpone completing tasks until motivated by the anxiety, pressure, and stress of a close deadline.

Actually, there is no right or wrong motivational style. A person can be very effective or very ineffective using either style. What counts for each style is that the completion of the task reflects one's best effort. Doing something ahead of time can result in hurried and messy work just as it can by doing it at the last minute. For example, some children will rush to do their homework ahead of time just to get it out of the way and rid themselves of the anxiety about the work having to be done. However, their work may turn out just as messy or incomplete as the child who waits until the last minute. Whatever the motivational style, it is important that children learn to do their best and that it shows.

Not all people who procrastinate are effective or successful, yet neither are those who complete tasks long before a deadline. If you inquire, you will likely find that those procrastinators who are effective and successful tend to cognitively outline what they need to do before the deadline is near. As the deadline approaches they are highly motivated by their anxiety (or nervous energy as many adolescents call it) and intuitively know exactly how much time they will need. They have learned how to budget time and prepare beforehand to have a block of time in which their work can get done. Successful procrastinators generally have good organizational skills and understand exactly what is expected.

When parents and children have different motivational styles trouble can arise. This is especially likely if a parent's style is to complete tasks ahead of time, but the child has developed a style of doing things last minute. Rather than berate the child for delays, it would be best to help her become more effective with her motivational style for the next time. And there will be a next time.

What Is Your Child's Motivational Style?

Answer true or false to the following questions:

• She likes to start projects shortly after they are assigned.
• She seems to have a better time hanging out with friends if she knows the things that she is supposed to do that day are done.
• When she finishes an assignment early, she doesn't look at it again or check it.
• It is hard for her to ignore things until the last minute if they need to get done.
• If she has too much to do, she is stressed until everything is finished.
• Her homework is almost never the last thing she does before going to bed.

If you answered three or more of the questions as true, she likely has a do-it-ahead style. (Be sure she learns to check her work before she turns it in).

If you answered true to two questions or less, she may be more motivated to finish tasks when she is close to a deadline. Have her always check-in with herself afterward about whether or not she gave herself enough time to complete the task with her best work. Help her learn to think ahead of time about what she will need for the task and to set aside a block of enough time that she will use to complete the task.

By clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Mary Lamia, Ph.D., author of Understanding Myself: A Kid's Guide to Intense Emotions and Strong Feelings (American Psychological Association/Magination Press, November 2010). (She is not a procrastinator.)