You’re Stronger Than You Think

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“Mommy I’m scared. I can’t breathe.”

You never want to hear your child say that to you. And when my four-year-old daughter recently said it to me one night around 2am when her cough went from 0-60 out of nowhere, I didn’t waste a second getting her to the emergency room.

This isn’t the kind of thing where I pat myself on the back for getting my kid the medical attention she needed one scary night just in the nick of time. It’s a fairly basic requirement to keep your kid alive and I did what any normal parent would do in the situation. In fact, I spent the following seven hours pacing nervously around her hospital room, mentally berating myself for all the things I may have done wrong that, in my frazzled state, I thought landed her in that room in the first place.

You see, I’m THAT mom. The one who thinks the worst, all the time. The one who worries, who panics, who overthinks and overreacts. I know, I know. We’re parents, we all do that. But when the going gets tough, I retreat back into my shell like a terrified turtle — frozen, shaking, crying, feeling sick to my stomach and envisioning every worst-case scenario on earth.

Maybe this is you too. Maybe you’re a worrier, a crier, a freaker-outer like me. Maybe not by nature, but when it comes to your kids at least. Maybe you also often wonder how quickly your legs would turn to jello and your lunch would come back up if your world were to suddenly fall apart at the seams. If so, maybe now I can offer you some hope.

I drove as fast as the gas pedal would allow, flying past red light after red light, one eye glued to the road and the other to my daughter strapped into her car seat behind me. Finally at the ER, we sat for a minute and waited for a nurse while my baby cried and clung to my shoulders, calling out for me in between her tiny gasps for air. I could feel my body trembling from the inside, felt the desperate sobs gathering at back of my throat and the tears welling forcefully under my eyelids. I felt myself breaking down.

This is the moment you are not prepared for as a parent, should you ever find yourself in this situation. This is something you will not learn to handle in a parenting class or a self-help book. This is that make-or-break moment when you are faced with a choice. You can choose to fall apart in this moment, let your anxiety win, let the terror wash over you and just lose your mind completely.

Or this is the moment you quickly realize there is no choice to be made, and that there never really was. And I promise you, you won’t fall apart. No, instead you will be hypnotized by the adrenaline. Your mommy autopilot will kick in. You’ll push that terror so far back inside that you may never see it again. You’ll put on the bravest face you can muster for your child and you WILL power through it. You got this, mama.

So in perhaps the strongest moment of my entire life, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and shook it all off. I held my little girl in my arms as tightly as I could and I swore to her that she was going to be absolutely, positively fine. Inwardly, I made the same promise to myself.

If you’re the type who is normally good under pressure, this probably isn’t as big of a deal to you as it seems to me. But in that moment, I will never forget the way I looked fear dead in the face and told it to buzz off. For just a little while, for my sweet, scared baby girl, I was her superhero. I didn’t recognize myself, overcome by this sudden strength I never knew I was capable of. I’m grateful for it, and I sleep a little better now knowing I had that cape all along, tucked away and waiting for the day I’d need to put it on. I really hope I never need it again, but if I do at least I know it’s there.

By Jeannine Cintron, a Staten Island mom of two. Read her blog at www.HighchairsandHeadaches.com

 

Posted in Featured Articles


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  1. Brunch with Santa

    December 17
    December 17, 2017  |  12:00 am - 11:59 pm
    Harvest Cafe
    Call for time and reservations
  2. Nutcracker 2017 with Staten Island Ballet

    December 17 @ 2:00 am - 5:00 pm
    December 17, 2017  |  2:00 am - 5:00 pm
    College of Staten Island
    Sat. December 16 at 2pm & 5pm Sun. December 17 at 2pm & 5pm Click here for more information or call 718-980-0500
  3. NYRR Open Run

    December 17 @ 9:00 am - 10:00 am
    December 17, 2017  |  9:00 am - 10:00 am
    Conference House Park
    Participants are encouraged to arrive 15 minutes before the start of the run and to leave their valuables at home – bag check is not provided. No need to do anything before the run, just show up. Open to all
  4. Art Studio

    December 17 @ 1:00 pm - 4:00 pm
    December 17, 2017  |  1:00 pm - 4:00 pm
    SI Children's Museum
  5. Science Time

    December 17 @ 2:00 pm - 3:00 pm
    December 17, 2017  |  2:00 pm - 3:00 pm
    SI Children's Museum
    Join us for this daily program on problem solving, inquiry and creative thinking. Activities include meetings animals from our Bugs exhibit, playing with solar cars, solving puzzle and games or building structures. Time is subject to change each day
  6. Merry Music Series

    December 17 @ 2:00 pm - 4:00 pm
    December 17, 2017  |  2:00 pm - 4:00 pm
    SI Children's Museum
    From 2-3PM and again from 3-4PM Celebrate Hanukkah with a special Jewish cultural music performance and sing along.
  7. Sea Shanty Sessions

    December 17 @ 2:00 pm - 5:00 pm
    December 17, 2017  |  2:00 pm - 5:00 pm
    Noble Maritime Collection
    Led by the Folk Music Society of New York, this program is really gaining in popularity and offers a great opportunity to experience authentic, time-honored maritime songs in an appropriately historic setting. The sessions are free and family friendly, and
  8. Story Time

    December 17 @ 4:00 pm
    December 17, 2017  |  4:00 pm - 4:00 pm
    SI Children's Museum
    Join our staff each day to share and listen to a story related to this months theme, the Letter M. Books about Music, Magnets, Monsters and other fun themes. TIME SUBJECT TO CHANGE, check by calling the Museum for daily
  9. Toddler Time

    December 18 @ 10:30 am
    December 18, 2017  |  10:30 am - 10:30 am
    Huguenot Library
    Join us for some Toddler Time fun! This is an interactive program featuring songs, story time, crafts and unstructured playtime. *​Pre-registration ​is ​required
  10. Baby Time

    December 18 @ 10:30 am
    December 18, 2017  |  10:30 am - 10:30 am
    South Beach Library