We’ve all done our share of complaining about being stuck at home since this whole coronavirus nightmare began. As a single parent homeschooling two kids while working from home, even the smallest silver linings are my salvation. Aside from the obvious “spending time with family” and “saving money” (or so the husbands think) factors, here are a few more reasons a little lockdown doesn’t hurt.
1. I haven’t had to change into my “good sweats” in over a month! My favorite pair of yoga pants have at least three holes and that’s nobody’s business but my own.
2. I’ve forgotten what my alarm sounds like. Seriously. I can’t remember the sound of the ringtone. I’m sure the first time I hear it after this is over, I’ll break out in a cold sweat. Until then, the alarm has been replaced by the whiny sounds of my kids begging for breakfast from the kitchen. There’s no snooze button but the trick is to threaten to take away YouTube if you want a few extra minutes of sleep.
3. The Zoom meetings are HILARIOUS. Or Google Meet, or whatever they’re calling these chaotic “virtual classrooms.” This morning, my daughter’s teacher had to remind the class that she can, in fact, see what they write in the chat, and that whispering into the microphone doesn’t allow for discretion either. It’s basically 30 kids talking over each other all at once, calling out random statements that have nothing to do with anything. I have no idea how her teachers keep their composure watching me wrestle our pet guinea pigs from my daughter’s grasp onscreen every morning while they attempt to discuss the day’s assignments. I feel for these teachers, I really do. But, man, I wish I had a mute button for my kids too.
4. Since pants have become optional, I’ve become more involved than ever. I haven’t missed a single parent meeting yet. I could be the head of the PTA at this point! Just don’t ask me what’s in the glass at our “meetings.”
5. I miss my family and friends like crazy, but keeping at least six feet away from the Karens of the world doesn’t bother me too much. I don’t even have to interact with delivery people anymore. They just leave my stuff by the door and hightail it outta there. Small talk is a thing of the past, as is dodging people you have no desire to run into publicly. You only see the crazies on Facebook these days, where you can scroll past their nonsense and move on.
6. So. Much. Netflix. Busy as I am, I still had the time to find out who Carole Baskin is and why she fed her husband to a tiger (she totally did, btw). If I found the time, you can too. It’s not quaranTINE – it’s quaranTIME. See what I did there?
7. When I’m too lazy to cook, I’m “supporting local restaurants.” Also commendable? Keeping local liquor stores and wine retailers in business. We’re all in this together, folks. I’m just doing my part.
8. Children’s birthday parties have gone from two-hour cake and pizza-filled booger-fests to LITERALLY DRIVING BY AND WAVING. Holding up a birthday sign is basically the same as walking in with the biggest gift. I think I’m going to start a petition that we continue this type of celebration after quarantine is over. Who’s with me?
9. Every day we get closer to the summer, the chances of wearing a bathing suit in public get smaller and smaller. I mean, I had cheesecake for breakfast twice this week. I’m not exactly striving for a beach body.
10. The amount of laundry to ignore has reduced by at least half. Admittedly, my kids frequently wear the same pajamas three days in a row and somehow still manage to produce a comically large amount of dirty clothes. However, it’s less than it was before quarantine. So there’s that.
By Jeannine Cintron, a Staten Island mom of two who wore her fanciest sweatpants while writing this article.