Archives for October 2019

Unlike old-school bullying, cyberbullying is not confined to school grounds, but can happen at any time and at any location. Cyberbullying is a serious issue, but as a parent, you can take control to keep your children safe. Cyberbullying is becoming more and more prevalent among children of all ages, and the best protection involves a combination of the tips below and utilizing parental monitoring technology like Bark.us to alert you and combat it.

Learn More For Yourself

What is Cyberbulling? Cyberbullying takes many different shapes and forms (people impersonating others, Photoshopping photos, generating memes), so educate yourself about cyberbullying so you can spot it if it happens.

Remember Password Protection

Some cyberbullies hack into accounts to post offensive statuses, updates, photos, or videos to make it look like the account holder posted them. The best way to prevent this is to create a strong password and never give it to anyone other than parents. (Parents should always be given access to kids’ social media passwords.)

Don’t Send Racy Photos

One of the best ways to protect kids from cyberbullying is to remind them that they should never send racy photos, or any other texts, images, or videos that aren’t rated at least PG.

Think Before You Post

Kids often say things that are out of character due to emotions. They make say mean things to or about someone they know, or they might even post a photo they find funny, but others could find offensive. Remind your kids to think about how their post might make others feel before they make it visible.

Check Privacy Settings

Most social media providers offer a variety of privacy settings that allow you and your children to control who sees the things they post. Take the time to read about these settings and what they do, then decide together which are the most appropriate for your family.

Don’t Open Messages From Strangers

Cyberbullying isn’t always carried out by people your kids know. In fact, perfect strangers may bully your children, or they may pose as strangers to provide themselves with anonymity. Teach your kids to never open messages or accept “friend requests” from strangers.

Don’t Log Into Accounts On Public Computers

Remind your children that public computers are not safe when it comes to social media. Even if they log out after their sessions, things like keystroke loggers can remember passwords and status updates, which can compromise privacy and security.

• Emotionally agitated after getting off the internet or their devices
• Seems anxious or uneasy when they receive an alert or text message
• Unwilling to hand over their devices
• Change in mood, withdrawn, depressed, or often angry or anxious
• Change in behavior, sleep patterns, or grades at school

#8– Support And Address As A Team

Let your child know they can come to you about any concern they have, and you will address it together. If they feel like they can talk about their issues without you reacting in anger or being upset, they will be more likely to approach you if it is happening to them. It’s often hard for victims to reach out for help, so reinforcing that you are there for them (and staying calm) is extremely important. Next, figure out the response together.  It is important to equip your child with the tools they need to know how to respond to bullies. Teach them to not engage the bully, but screenshot and save any message that contains threatening or hurtful remarks, as it may be important to have a paper trail if the situation escalates. Teach your child that they can, and should, report these instances to you, a teacher or any trusted adult. Then, discuss possible solutions together based on the specific circumstances.

Although there’s nothing that can protect your children from cyberbullying 100%, you can lessen the chances it will happen and help them stay safer online. These tips are a great start, so please make sure to talk about them with your tweens and teens right away.

By Titania Jordan, Chief Parent Officer at at www.bark.us and former CMO at KidsLink, co-founder/CMO at Privet, and Executive Director of Band of Coders Girls Academy. Titania has tremendous experience at the intersection of families and technology.

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While expecting my now two-and-a-half-year-old twins, I received a ton of advice from other moms of multiples. Just like every child is different, every set of twins has a nuanced relationship with one another and with the world. The fun part is seeing two people of identical ages mature and meet milestones in completely different ways. It’s a unique window into the variances in human development, the way the environment may be explored, and discovering that some personality traits seem to be innate and unchangeable.

My husband and I welcomed our two beautiful baby girls in January of 2015. We could easily tell them apart from the first moments of life. Baby A, Juliette, had big eyes and light, wild hair that stuck up in every direction, with little-to-no eyelashes. Baby B, Leila, had dark hair that curled softly around her head, and dark prominent eyebrows. Juliette screamed all night, and Leila could be swaddled and placed down to sleep.

With my first child, my singleton son, tummy time involved lots of attention from mom and dad. We encouraged him to roll, and demonstrated it on the floor for him. The twins required no such intervention, unless you count separating them when the hair pulling started at barely four weeks old.

The most common advice I received from other moms of multiples was to keep my twins on the same schedule. This proved difficult with Juliette being reluctant to sleep and Leila being a lazy eater. Eventually, I did keep them on the same schedule. They were always changed when the other was (whether they needed it or not!) and I tandem nursed them whether they were hungry or not. Trying solid foods was another adventure. Juliette sought the sensory experience of crushing her food and shoving it into her face as if that was her last meal. Leila developed a perfect pinscher grip early on, eating her food with a delicate purposefulness.

Carole Gervasi, a twin mom, marketing executive, and Staten Island native, was one of the first experienced twin moms I reached out to. Unlike me, Carole had the experience of having twins and later having a singleton. My son, Mason, arrived three and-a-half years ahead of my daughters. I was sure that because of his high-needs personality, that I might be a bit prepared, but I was daunted when Carole said that a singleton was so easy after twins that she could “change a diaper with one hand.” When my husband returned to work ten days after their birth, I looked at my girls and wondered aloud, “Can I change both of you with one hand each? Hmm.” I never had a chance to test my ability with one-handed diaper changes, but instead developed other multi-tasking talents. I frequently managed to change one of my daughters while the other was latched and nursing, without so much as a squirm – and never breaking the latch.

It was official. The twins had changed me. I was a Supermom.

As toddlers, Juliette walked at exactly one year and Leila took her time, tentatively walking at nearly 16 months old. Each step for Leila was deliberate and careful, while Juliette breezed through each room (and through life) with an unmatched zeal and seemingly with no direction.

Weeks and months rolled by with new discoveries each day. Juliette’s vocabulary grew exponentially, and she spoke in full sentences before she was 18 months old. (And I am the mom who never believed anyone who said they had a child who spoke so early!) That is when we noticed that our delicate, careful, purposeful daughter, Leila, was making limited speech sounds.

Renee McGrath, a Staten Island elementary school art teacher, also noted that her two-and-a-half-year-old twins, Mallory and James, varied in their speech development. Like Juliette, “Mallory began speaking with multiple words and sentences earlier than James. Her letter recognition was also ahead of James’.”

In these times, it is difficult to see your babies, a mere nine minutes apart, be so far apart in their development. Other parents would tell me to wait, and that she was still too little, but my mother instinct couldn’t let it go. “I think you know best,” my husband, Alex, said when I pressed the issue. “It doesn’t hurt to be too careful,” he added. At 21 months old, Leila qualified for speech therapy and has been receiving help twice weekly since. She has also benefitted from having tubes placed in her ears to drain fluid. This has great improved her hearing.

These differences don’t stop twins from communicating. People often ask if our twins have their own language. They have their own way of communicating. Great Kills native Amanda Thompson noted her twins, daughter Marin and son Grayson, developed at different rates as well.  “Marin was the first to lift her head, sit up, and crawl, but Grayson was the first to walk. He was 14.5 months and she started walking at 17 months.” She also observed that while her daughter had more advanced verbal skills, her son developed motor skills more quickly.

She added, “We were never concerned that one wouldn’t catch up. We knew it might take a bit more time since they are two different individuals.” As Renee says, “As parents, we hope that they can learn and benefit from one another.”

Wherever we go, we are inevitably asked if our girls are twins. Having twins is always a conversation starter. Everyone seems to have a twin story, whether they have a set of their own, have twin grandchildren, or just know a set of twins. It’s always interesting to hear the perspective of someone other than a parent. Local twin Grandma, Mary Spirocostas, loves to talk about her 8 year-old granddaughters, Olivia and Chloe.

“Olivia very sensitive.  She enjoys cooking and crafty things, dancing school and is a girly girl. She worries about everyone and makes sure everyone is fairly treated,” said Mary. “She is like the little mommy. I feel like she took care of Chloe in the womb. Chloe is the confident one. She prefers athletics over cooking or dancing. She never gives up. She is not easily offended and shrugs irritations right off her shoulder.” The differences don’t stop there, of course. They even like different food. “It seems like their DNA was split in half and each obtained different traits but they are ALWAYS there for each other.”

Many moms worry that their twins will grow apart as they get older. Marissa, a local event planner with her own small business, noted that her twins, Jake and Milana, are very close at nearly four years old. She said, “At this point it’s interesting to hear their conversations. They really are best friends. When they go to the pool club and play, it’s really sweet to see how they look out for each other. It’s funny when they tell a story together. It’s also funny when they tell the story separately and you see the versions differ a bit. But the relationship is so close and it’s the truly greatest gift.”

Like Carole, Marissa also added a singleton to her family after her twins. “A lot of people ask me why I went for a third when I have a boy and a girl. This amazes me!” She explained that her and her husband grew up in families with three children, and expanding their family seemed natural. “I think that people who have one child first and then twins have it a bit more difficult,” she added. Personally, I am uncertain which is more difficult; each has its own set of challenges and rewards.

Age 3 is rapidly approaching, and despite Juliette and Leila being in different places with their speech and interests, there is always shared hijinks, from coloring and drawing on the walls, to taking Mommy’s makeup and giving each other makeovers.

Each night, we tuck our girls in side by side in their queen-sized bed. They’re wholly unique in every way, but they sleep with identical blankets and stuffed dogs every night. Different, but the same; in a way that only twins can be.

By Jennifer Long Levy, a Staten Island native and freelance writer who is passionate about her family, fitness, fashion, and the Oxford comma.

There are many reasons why people consider adoption. For some, it’s a result of failed fertility efforts. For others, it’s a desire to enlarge their family and make life better for a child. But for all, it’s a way to bring people of diverse culture, race and heritage into the bonds of a loving family.

Tony and Nancy Rivera is one couple whose reason for adopting was to enlarge their family and find a companion for their child. “When our son Tony was eight, we went through the state foster-adopt program to find a playmate for him,” says Nancy. “We told them we wanted a child near our son’s age, but when they contacted us, it was for a two-month-old boy named Alex.”

At first, the Riveras declined the agency’s request, but when subsequent phone calls came in, Tony and Nancy reevaluated their decision. “The third time they called us we said, ‘Yes,’” Nancy continues. “We figured if they contacted us that many times, maybe this was the child we were supposed to get.”

But the Riveras got more than they planned for. “Two months later, the agency called again. This time they said Alex had a two-year-old brother named Alfonzo who was in foster care and asked if we wanted to adopt him. So we did,” says Nancy. “Then a year later, we found out the boys had two sisters, Candice, who was six, and Anastasia, who was eight, so we decided to adopt them to keep the family together.”

John and Jo-El Azato took a different adoption route and went through a private agency to find an international child. “We had seen an ad in the newspaper about a seminar on domestic and international adoptions, so we went,” recalls Jo-El. “We knew we wanted an international child who was about one- or two-years old. And after doing research, we decided to go with a child from China.”

During the fourteen months the Azatos waited for their daughter, Nina, they busied themselves with preparations. “We had a baby shower and prepared her room,” says Jo-El. “We also read a lot about parenting and asked friends who had kids lots of questions.”

Waiting, says experts, can be the hardest part of the adoption process, whether it’s waiting for the paperwork to go through or waiting to receive the referral. But while families are on hold, there are things they can do.

“When I talk with couples, I tell them to use the time productively,” says Sam Wojnilower, LCSW, with a local private adoption agency. “Read about adopting and raising children, attend workshops, find a pediatrician – that kind of thing, so they’re already being active parents.”

Although the Riveras didn’t need a primer on childrearing, they did have to learn how to help their adopted children adjust a new environment. “I think it was harder on Candice and Anastasia because they were older than the boys,” says Nancy. “I had to tell the girls they weren’t going to see their biological parents anymore. I’m not sure Candice totally understood, but Anastasia took it very hard. She was a little weepy and apprehensive, maybe even confused. I spent a lot of time with her letting her know she could come and talk with me. I told her it was okay to talk about her mom and dad and I would listen. I tried very hard to build a relationship and establish her trust.”

This is exactly what Adoption Consultant Mary Lou Edgar suggests. “One of the best ways to help newly adopted children adjust in their environment is to close in and establish those family relationships. There’s a natural inclination to want to celebrate with family and friends, but that can come later.”

Wojnilower agrees. “Children need time to adjust to their new family. They also need to establish a consistent routine as soon as possible. This is even truer with international adoption where things like food and times zones are different.”

Although Nina was only ten-months old when the Azatos adopted her, she too, had an adjustment to make. “I think the hardest part of the adoption process was that we didn’t bond right away,” recalls Jo-El. “When we first got Nina, she was well aware we weren’t her regular caretaker and the hotel we were staying in was not the orphanage. She wouldn’t eat and covered her face with her hands. She also cried a lot.”

But three days into the adoption, things changed. “We were still at the hotel and Nina had fallen asleep on the bed. When she woke up, she rolled over and I caught her before she fell off the side. She laughed; she thought it was a game. From that point on it was completely different. I knew we had bonded.”

Perhaps the one who had the biggest adjustment was young Tony, who went from being an only child to sharing his parents with four other children. “Tony did okay when we got boys, but when Candice and Anastasia came, we had to have a talk,” Nancy remembers.

The Riveras didn’t know for certain the girls were coming until that morning, and Tony had already left for school. “When he got home, the girls were there, so I pulled him aside and explained why we wanted to keep them all together,” says Nancy. “It was hard but I think he understood. It’s funny, though, the last thing he said to me was, ‘Mom, I’ll let them come in, just don’t paint the house pink!’”

One day soon, 2-year-old Nina may be making that same adjustment. “We are just now starting the adoption process to get a boy from Vietnam,” Jo-El concludes. “We want to get another Asian child so there is a similarity between them, particularly in this big Italian family.”

By Denise Yearian, a freelance writer and and mother of three children and four grandchildren.

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QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN CONSIDERING ADOPTION
Adoption is a broad topic covering everything from domestic infant to international to children from foster care. Add to that trans-racial, trans-cultural, older children, and physical, mental, and emotional challenges, and subject can be overwhelming. Families interested in pursuing adoption, should start by asking themselves what type of adoption they want. From there, they can begin their search for a private or government-sponsored agency.

When choosing an agency, it is important that families feel comfortable with the organization and know they are being heard. Following is a list of questions to ask when shopping around for an adoption agency:

Is this a licensed adoption agency?
What types of adoption does this agency do?
What are the requirements to adopt from this agency (age, religion, income, marital status, other children)?
What does a home study with this agency entail?
How do you train prospective families, individually or in groups?
Do you provide support for families after a child has been placed in the home?
Can you provide me with a referral of someone who has worked with your agency so I can speak with them about their adoption experience?

RESOURCES
Following is a list of books and websites for those considering adoption.

Books
~Adopting on Your Own: The Complete Guide to Adopting as a Single Parent by Lee Varon
~How to Adopt Internationally by Jean Nelson-Erichson and Heino R. Erichson
Raising Adopted Children by Lois Ruskai Melina
~There are Babies to Adopt: A Resource Guide for Prospective Parents by Christian A. Adamec
~Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

Websites
adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com Nation’s leading adoption magazine provides independent, practical information on adopting and raising healthy, happy children.
adoptuskids.org The only national, federally funded photo listing service for children in foster care waiting for permanent families.
childwelfare.gov Resources on all aspects of domestic and inter-country adoption, including adoption from foster care.
rainbowkids.com International Adoption Publication. Run by an adoptive parent, this site features photo listings of waiting children, listings of agencies and articles on adoption. One of the top sites for international adoption information.

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Do you have an elderly neighbor? Someone who is unable to shovel whenever it snows? Over 2,500 seniors are requesting snow shoveling assistance this year. You can help by joining Where to Turn’s Shoveling for Seniors Program.

Kids seventh grade or higher can volunteer and receive ten hours of community service — and the feeling of knowing you’ve done something wonderful for someone in need.

In December 2016, New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo announced “Open Road Tolling” that will be operational at all Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) Bridges and Tunnels by the end of 2017.

The Verrazano Bridge transitions to “Cashless Tolling” on Saturday July 8, 2017. This transition incorporates new enforcement and security initiatives.

Enforcement and Security

The MTA Cashless Toll plan brings increased enforcement and security to MTA crossings, such as the Verrazano Bridge. Security teams, comprised of an additional 150 State Troopers, National Guard units and MTA Bridge and Tunnel Officers will focus on public safety and toll enforcement. In an effort to establish uniformity and increased presence, Governor Cuomo instructed the MTA to paint all Bridge and Tunnel Officer vehicles to match the colors of New York State Police vehicles.

At each Bridge and Tunnel crossing, advanced cameras and sensors will be installed to read license plates and test emerging facial recognition software and equipment. These technologies will also be utilized across airports and transit hubs, establishing a system-wide anti-terrorism plan. Or maybe the aim is a bit different? Read more at www.floridaticketfirm.com/police-quotas-traffic-citations-fact-fiction/.

Enforcement of unpaid tolls will be a top priority. New state laws and regulations have strengthened penalties for those who evade paying tolls. Toll scofflaws are now subject to $50 violation fees, car registration suspensions, and other enforcement actions in addition to late fees that accrue when an initial toll bill is unpaid. If the vehicle is registered in New York and the owner fails to respond to 3 bills requesting payment, the vehicle’s registration may be suspended.

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Verrazano Bridge – Staten Island Resident Carpool Program

“The Verrazano-Narrows Bridge is the only one of our MTA crossings where we have a carpool plan, and those Staten Island residents in the current resident discount program will have their carpool tickets replaced with E-tickets, which will require eligible Staten Island residents to use an E-ZPass tag in an eligible Staten Island registered vehicle,” the MTA said in a statement. The MTA and E-ZPass have mailed forms to current Staten Island Resident Carpool participants to apply for the HOV Mode E-ZPass, which will also serve as the traditional E-ZPass tag at other crossings and when the motorist has less than 3 occupants when crossing the Verrazano Bridge. After receiving the HOV tag you will have to return the traditional E-ZPass tag in the pre-paid envelope sent to you.

If you are a current Verrazano Bridge Carpool Plan participant you should have a received a letter with an HOV E-ZPass Tag request form. Fill it out and send it in. If you have leftover paper carpool tickets you can request a refund by mailing them to; TBTA Staten Island Resident Carpool Ticket Refund, Revenue Management,
2 Broadway, 23rd Floor, New York, NY 10004
Requests will be processed within four to six weeks.

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Port Authority: Bayonne Bridge – Cashless Tolls, Carpool Program

The Port Authority of NY & NJ implemented All Electronic Toll Collections on the Bayonne Bridge. The Bayonne Bridge is the only Port Authority Staten Island crossing transitioning to Cashless Toll Collection at this time.

The Port Authority has removed the carpool option at the Bayonne Bridge since there are no longer toll collectors present to verify the number of occupants in the vehicle. The Goethals Bridge and Outerbridge Crossings will continue to have both E-ZPass and cash toll options as well as the carpool option.

The Bayonne Bridge cashless toll system works similar to the MTAs system. A bill will be mailed to the vehicle’s registered owner when the vehicle crosses the Bayonne Bridge without an E-ZPass. If the vehicle is registered in New York and the toll is not paid after 3 attempts for collection the vehicle’s registration may be suspended for failure to pay.

By Community Education Council 31 President Michael Reilly

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