Archives for October 2019

The world is a challenging place for teenagers these days and taking that developmental journey from childhood to young adulthood is more stressful than ever. With the proliferation of social media, expectations for our teens to be popular have gone up. The risks of hurt from insults and exclusion, and the fatigue from never being away from one’s online peer group can lead to all kinds of psychological and emotional problems—all of these factors, not surprisingly, are resulting in a rise of depression with our teenaged girls and boys.

Teens who are stressed academically or socially and feel like they can’t succeed are the most likely to become depressed. Teens of all temperaments can experience depression, but kids who are shy, sensitive, and not highly social skilled are the most vulnerable. Signs of depression can include withdrawal from the family, substance abuse, self-cutting, chronic fatigue, social withdrawal, a drop in school performance, ending participation in previously enjoyed activities, eating disorders (including extreme dieting and compulsive eating) – these are all signs to look for.

Essentially, depression can be characterized as feeling “out of it, as though the desire and energy to participate in life’s positive activities are gone. Nothing seems attractive or exciting and withdrawal from activities or engaging in self-destructive activities replaces healthy engagement. Low self-esteem can result from depression or be a contributing factor.

When parents suspect that their teen is depressed, or is showing any of the above signs, they need to take action and seek professional help. But it can’t stop there. We have to remember that our kids are in that developmental stage of life where they are learning skills for their eventual independence from us, their parents. So parents need to help them learn the life skills for managing their feelings and making healthy, self-valuing choices.

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Getting the right kind of counseling is essential. Too often, counselors will work only with the teenager and include only minimal or separate counseling for the parents. The result of this approach is that parents feel disempowered and wait for the therapy to “work” rather than provide the more hands on, active support their teenager needs.

A depressed teen will need their parents to provide emotional support and structure for engaging healthy activities including exercise, good nutrition, appropriate socialization, limited use of social media and managing their school and home responsibilities. Also, family counseling can help parents and teens end control battles that undermine teen accountability, create alienation and often create stress throughout the family. Parent-teen control battles can be a significant causal factor in teen depression as well.

Individual therapy is an important part of the treatment too. It will help a depressed teenager learn to understand and express their most personal feelings and learn to manage them with healthy thinking and healthy behavior.

Teen depression, if thoughtfully addressed, is very treatable. With professional guidance and active parental involvement, we can help our teens regain belief in their wonderful selves and rediscover their passion for life.

By Neil Brown, author of Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle and host of the Healthy Family Connections podcast.

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As many of us have unfortunately seen, seeing syringes and needles on the streets and properties on Staten Island is becoming an all too frequent sight. It is happening in neighborhoods all across Staten Island, as well as across the country.

We all know heroin and other opioids have reached epidemic proportions on Staten Island and it is not in the shadows anymore. All our efforts to combat it must also be publicized. It will take each and every one of us to be committed to this fight. I will continue to try and help the best I can.

I have received many private messages and texts, and have also been tagged in several posts about needles found in public places. I have visited locations that were sent to me and removed some needles, and then transferred them to a sharps container to discard them.

NYC policy advises residents to call 311 if they observe a needle on public property. When you call 311, they send a request to the Department of Sanitation to collect the syringes from public streets and sidewalks. If the syringe is in a NYC Park, 311 sends the request to the Parks Department for removal. This removal process can take a few days. If the needles are on private property, such as a store parking lot or a homeowner’s lawn, the city will not collect the syringes. The property owner is responsible for removing syringes on their property.

First, remind kids never to pick up a needle or syringe!

If you see any syringes, please feel free to email me cecmike@verizon.net. If I can’t respond to the location to remove them, my friend Dennis McKeon and his outstanding Where to Turn Clean Team will do their best to come remove them info@where-to-turn.org.

If you are comfortable in removing a syringe yourself, please do so, following the procedure outlined here: wear gloves, and be careful to avoid the needle end. Place it in a sharps container– a hard plastic laundry detergent container can be used. Seal the puncture-proof container. Write “SHARPS” on the container and discard it in regular trash. (By labeling the container with the word “SHARPS,” NYC Sanitation is alerted to why the plastic/metal is in regular trash and it will avoid them erroneously issuing a summons for having recyclable in regular trash.)

Important Links & Contact Numbers

To report discarded syringes and/or needles:

• Disposal procedures for sharps and medical waste
http://www1.nyc.gov/assets/dsny/zerowaste/residents/household-medical-waste.shtml

• Report needles/syringes in public areas to 311 here:
http://www1.nyc.gov/nyc-resources/service/2570/syringe-on-sidewalk-or-street

• New York State Department of Environmental Conservation
http://www.dec.ny.gov/chemical/9082.html

To report illegal drug activity:

• Richmond County District Attorney’s Office http://rcda.nyc.gov/initiaves/drughl.html

• RCDA Drug Hotline
(718) 876-5839

• 911 to report outdoor drug use or sale in progress or indoor drug use or sale involving weapons or a dispute

• 311 if you suspect indoor drug activity. This information will be forwarded to the NYPD for investigation.
• www1.nyc.gov/nyc-resources/service/1567/drug-activity-complaint

• NYC Special Narcotics Prosecutor Organized Crime Control Bureau
1-888-374-DRUG (3784)

• NYC Crime Stoppers
1-800-577-TIPS (8477)
a056-crimestoppers.nyc.gov/crimestoppers/public/tip-form.cfm

Information to help build strong investigations and prosecutions:

• The location

• Names or descriptions of suspected dealer and/or buyer

• What type of vehicle, if any, is involved

• What type of drug product is being sold, if known

Raising kids creates clutter. Most families do regular sweeps to get rid of outgrown clothes and toys. And most have favorite places to take donations—the rummage sale at the church, the food pantry for the community, the drop off center for Goodwill. Some community organizations will even pick up the things you no longer need or want. (To find one of these agencies, enter your zip code at donationtown.org.)

And then there are the things that are hard to give away. Perhaps they were expensive—think cellphones and carseats. Or perhaps they are sentimental—think trophies, stuffed animals, books and puzzles. Either way, you feel a twinge when you think about letting them go, so they get stuck in drawers and closets.

The best solution is to find the right destination for these items. Donate to someone who will appreciate them. Get them to a company or organization that can recycle them safely and perhaps creatively. Either way, parting with certain kinds of stuff can be easier if you go the extra mile.  With the options listed below, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you made a responsible choice that clears the clutter for you and does something good for others.

Athletic and other shoes

 
Soles4Souls.com has distributed over 30 million pairs of shoes since they were founded after Hurricane Katrina. You can purchase a mailing label or find a drop off site on their website.  They also accept gently used clothing.OneWorldRunning.com sends still-wearable shoes to runners in developing countries. Anything that can’t be worn goes to the Nike-Reuse-A-Shoe program to be recycled into running tracks and playgrounds. Their website also includes drop-off locations in many parts of the country.

Binders

At the end of the school year, most families have a stack of ragged binders. If you turn them in at Staples or Office Max, you’ll get a $2 credit toward a same day purchase of a new binder. Then they’ll recycle the binders with the help of Terracycle, a company that is has partnered with major manufacturers to create innovative recycling programs for everything from toothbrushes and guitar strings to juice pouches and the blister packs from contact lenses. (terracycle.com/en-US/brigades)

Books

Better World books has drop off boxes where they accept books of all kinds. Some are sold on their website and some go to literacy programs overseas. (betterworldbooks.com)

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Carseats

A few organizations are trying to get used carseats into the hands of families that need them.  A state-by-state list is available at recycleyourcarseat.org.

Crayons

Crazy Crayons collects broken, worn or loose crayons.  They will melt them down and turn them into new Eco Star crayons or multi-colored crayons shaped like worms. (crazycrayons.com)

Cellphones.

Even after you’ve disconnected your phone service, the phone can be used to make 911 calls. Secure the Call takes advantage of this fact, collecting phones and then distributing them to senior citizens organizations, domestic violence shelters, police departments and other agencies that can get them into the hands of people who need them.  Their website includes a free mailing label as well as a list of community partners in every state.  (securethecall.org)

Eyeglasses

Lions International collects used eyeglasses as part of their effort to improve vision for people around the world. A list of their recycling centers is available at (tinyurl.com/donateglasses.)

Legos

The plastic in Legos is a kind that can’t usually be recycled, so don’t mix them into the bin. Instead, ship them to Brick Recycler. No need to sort the bricks. They will repackage and get them to hospitals, schools, orphanages and other places where kids will be very happy to have them. (www.brickrecycler.com)

Markers

Crayola collects markers of all kinds and turns them into a clean liquid fuel for vehicles. They pay for shipping via Fedex but your local school will have to set up the collection system. (crayola.com/colorcycle)

Puzzles

Puzzle Warehouse recycles old puzzles by donating them to schools, homeless shelters, churches and jails. If you’re pitching a puzzle because it’s missing a piece or two, they also have a helpful list of piece replacement policies for major puzzle manufacturers in the More section of their website. (puzzlewarehouse.com/Recycle-Your-Puzzles)

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Stuffed animals.

Stuffed Animals for Emergencies gets gently used stuff animals into the hands of children and even service members who need a little comfort. Their website lists chapters in many parts of the country, and they also have advice about how to clean stuffed animals in preparation for donation. (stuffedanimalsforemergencies.org)

Trophies:

Some companies that make trophies reuse the parts to make new trophies. If nobody in your community does this, you might want to ship surplus trophies to the National Trophy Recycling program. (Tinyurl.com/donatetrophies)

Everything else

Freecycle runs a grassroots network made up of over 9 million members, organized into 5,298 local groups. Membership is free, and each group is moderated by a local volunteer. Once you sign up, you can list almost anything and, in all likelihood, it will be discovered by someone in your community who will be delighted to have it. (freeycle.org)

Of course, you aren’t the only family that has stuff you want to discard. Many of the groups listed above provide everything you need to start a community collection drive—an activity that might double as a fundraiser or a community service project. Whether you donate on your own or with your neighbors, all of these programs do three important things: Keep useable stuff out of the local landfill. Get things into the hands of people who can use them. And get all that clutter out of your house! That’s a win-win-win!

Carolyn Jabs, M.A., has been writing about families and technology for over twenty years. She is also the author of Cooperative Wisdom: Bringing People Together When Things Fall Apart, a book that describes a highly effective way to address conflict in families, schools and communities. Available at Amazon and cooperativewisdom.org. 

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Relationships can bring out the best in people, especially when couples share similar interests and goals. But even the most solid relationships can be put to the test by those bumps in the road that everyone faces from time to time.

Just as men and women must work to build strong physiques in the gym, they also must put forth effort to strengthen their relationships. People who aspire to strengthen communication with their partners and improve conflict resolution can benefit from a number of strategies.

Don’t expect a mind reader. Do not wait for your partner to spell out how he or she is feeling, or you may never get to the root of a given issue. You must start the conversation before real change can begin. Find a time when you are both rested, well fed and not distracted by any other responsibilities. Allow your partner to express his or her feelings, and then explain your needs as well.

Curtail criticism and blaming. According to experts at The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory®, criticizing is the adult version of crying. It’s a method of relieving stress and showing distress. But inflicting pain on others will not get them to bend to your wishes.

Keep outside interests a priority. Your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend cannot provide for all of your needs. Expecting him or her to fill every role can lead to tension. Having outside friends, interests and a social network is a healthy idea. Just try to find a balance between that world and the world inside your home.

Spend quality time together. As relationships evolve and jobs, children and other influences are mixed in, it can be challenging to find the time to spend with each other and no one else. Make this a priority, as The HelpGuide.com team, a group of seasoned mental health professionals and writers, says time spent together is critical for your relationship. Without quality time your ability to communicate may begin to erode.

Consider professional help. Seeking the advice of a counselor, whether a licensed social worker or physiologist, is not a sign of weakness. It just means you are willing to do whatever you need to foster a strong relationship. A therapist may suggest strategies you never thought of, which can be useful for growing closer and/or resolving problems.

Laugh whenever possible. Try to put a positive spin on anything. Jokes and laughter (not snarkiness) can diffuse tense situations. Look to laughter as a way to bond with your partner.

Focus on being caring. Do nice things for your partner without requiring anything in return. Remember what your partner likes and begin doing those things again.