Archives for October 2019

Many parents struggle with the fine line of being a helicopter parent versus giving their children freedom to explore the benefits of the Internet. But, they have reason to be anxious. In one study widely cited in the media, 42% of Internet users ages 10 to 17 said they viewed porn online in the past 12 months. And 66% of kids who said they saw porn online said they saw it accidentally, according to a 2007 study by the University of New Hampshire. Pornography is just one concern. There are hundreds of thousands of opportunities for children to encounter age-inappropriate content online.

With so many great technology choices, kids have plenty of online options to keep them busy, whether for entertainment or academic research. However, from gaming consoles to smartphones to laptops, any WiFi device in a home with a web browser, even a visiting friend’s computer, can be used to access content that parents do not want their children viewing. Learn more about AdvancedTelecomSystemsLLC and their benefits.

Here are some great tips for keeping kids safe online all year long.

#1 – Talk with your kids!

The dangers of the Internet are very real, but arming your kids with knowledge can be one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal. These should be very age-appropriate discussions. For instance, for a 5-year old you can give instructions as simple as, “If you see someone without their clothes on, turn the computer or device off immediately and come get mom or dad.” Or, “If you see someone being mean to someone else, make sure you show a grown up.” As your kids get older, the discussion can change accordingly. But starting the discussions early is important. You can choose – you can teach your kids – or else the Internet can teach them!

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#2 – Install filtering at the network level.

A step up from installing filtering software on individual devices, parents can now manage everything connected to their home WiFi so they don’t have to worry about inappropriate content leaking through.

#3 – Make sure that Internet usage is done in the open.

Make sure that family computers are located in high traffic areas. Make sure that laptops and tablets are not used in bedrooms or private parts of the house. This keeps kid’s online activities open for discussion and much easier to keep an eye on.

#4 – If chores aren’t completed change your WiFi key and don’t give it to the kids until those chores are done! 

With most routers, this is a very simple task that can be done in a few minutes and can be a very effective way to motivate kid to get chores or homework or whatever finished.

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#5 – Make sure you have all of your kid’s social media passwords and check their social media accounts regularly.

If kids know you are looking at what they are doing on the different social media platforms, they will be much less likely to be talking to people they shouldn’t or taking part of cyberbullying or other behaviors that they know you wouldn’t approve of. This is a digital world now – so be a part of their digital lives!

Provided by Spencer Thomason, CEO of Clean Router, one easy to solution to protect every device in your home • www.cleanrouter.com

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It is important for adults to understand and recognize if a child shows signs of being a bully, or signs of being bullied, and how to appropriately intervene. But understanding the outward behavior and/or often-implied signals associated with either bullying or being bullied can be difficult and frustrating for parents, teachers, caregivers, etc. Ideally, a child being bullied or would share his/her concerns openly, but, too often, this is not the case.

Bullying in schools often takes place in unsupervised locations; such as bathrooms, busy hallways, lunchrooms, and school buses. The victim may feel that even if he speaks up, nothing may be done to help. This is why it is important for schools and parents to have policies in place and frequent discussions regarding bullying and its consequences. Discussions should include the definition of bullying and the difference between discussing/reporting an incident, vs. “getting someone in trouble,” or “tattling.”

While both parents and educators set goals to create safe spaces for children to grow and feel comfortable, many children do not send direct, verbal messages that they are being bullied. Factors involved are usually fears associated with feeling judged, rejected, being a “snitch,” and/or being misunderstood, all of which make matters worse for themselves and leads to feelings of isolation and a lack of support. This is why it is so important that parents and educators are aware of the less subtle signs that a child is being bullied or is bullying others.

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Signs of being bullied:

• Avoiding school or extracurricular activities that were once enjoyed; arriving home unusually late or early (by avoiding regular routes); no longer wanting to ride on the school bus
• Decreased/withdrawn time spent with friends; lack of friends
• Increase in anxiety/worry; appearing stressed; trouble sleeping, thus appearing more tired than usual; decrease in appetite
• Sudden decrease in academic performance
• Complaints of physical ailments (i.e. headaches, stomach aches); unexplained injuries
• Low self-esteem
• Loss of personal items

Signs of bullying others: 

• Physically or verbally aggressive behavior; appearing angry or edgy
• Lack of empathy
• Defiant, impulsive and insistence on getting her way
• Low self-esteem

Bullies are, more often than not, products of their own environment. For example, if a child is being bullied at home by another family member, he may repeat this behavior in school. The child may also adopt the negative assumption that aggressive behavior or language will lead to getting her way, resulting in feelings of power. This is a negative reward (reinforcing the negative behavior). It is important to be aware of how we conduct conversations in the home. Those young ears are always listening and learning from example. Effective communication skills/problem solving skills are pertinent to reducing fear or intimidation. Effective family communication means allowing all members of the family to express their emotions appropriately and be heard.

As a parent or teacher, it is important to recognize inappropriate behavior and set limits as to what is acceptable and unacceptable. Teach children about bullying at a young age and help them understand that they are accountable for their actions as they grow and learn. Challenge them to think critically about the act of bullying and how they can problem-solve effectively, instead of acting on impulse.

The parent/teacher should always aim to be a positive role model in the home and at school. Try to create safe spaces by promoting self-esteem and reassuring the child that you will always listen and help. Role-play scenarios and discuss conflict resolution skills. Discuss how they can diffuse a situation and walk away. Talk about how to be inclusive with other peers.

If you are concerned or suspect your child is being bullied, or is bullying others, either in school or in the community, speak with school teachers, administrators, and mental health professionals. Encourage your child to confide in a trusted adult or a mental health professional.  Remember that “consistency is key” and assure your child that there is always someone willing to listen and help.

By Lori Faicco, LMHC-licensed mental health counselor, Staten Island Mental Health Society, Inc.

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We got rid of our kids’ baby furniture today. More specifically, we sold it on eBay. Someone bid on it, won, and then came to my house and hauled it all away in a big black pickup truck.

I cried like a baby.

Not the kind of tears that roll quietly down the cheek as one is overcome with feelings of bittersweet nostalgia. Big, fat, sobby kinds of melancholic tears of sadness and disbelief.

I am in total disbelief that my babies aren’t babies anymore. I’m in disbelief that my babies need bigger furniture for their bigger bodies and their bigger needs. Bigger, bigger, bigger. Everything used to be so teeny tiny, and now it’s all about getting bigger.

So I watched as my children’s baby crib was taken apart, piece by piece, and then piled into the truck, rail by rail. We gave them the mattress too, as it was only gently used and easily cleaned, so they tossed that in the truck next. Then we handed over all of the nuts and bolts essential to putting it back together.

I remember the day we brought my baby girl home from the hospital and placed her in that crib for the first time, her tiny six pound body barely a spec on the horizon of pale pink linens. I leaned over the rail and watched as she napped peacefully, fixated on her beautiful newborn face, counting her endless little newborn breaths and feeling overwhelmed by indescribable emotions.

I remember one day my nephew slept over and he and my son hopped up and down on the crib mattress all morning like little crazy kangaroos, bouncing wildly until each child collapsed in a fit of unbearably adorable baby giggles.

When I was nine months pregnant with my daughter and nesting like a madwoman, I took on the task of raising the crib mattress myself while my husband was at work and my son was asleep on the couch. Determined, I yanked that crib away from the wall and heaved the mattress to the floor, then began screwing and unscrewing in the appropriate spots until the crib was ready for my baby girl. It took me all afternoon, probably two hours longer than it would have taken my husband (or anyone even the slightest bit mechanically inclined and/or not ten seconds away from going into labor). But, man oh man, was I one proud preggo.

After they lugged all the components of the crib aboard their truck, they moved on to the baby dresser.  More tears streaming down. I’d stored more than clothes in the drawers of that pale wooden dresser. The messy bibs worn during baby’s first solid food meal, the red and green Santa pajamas designated for baby’s first Christmas Eve, miniature socks and hats barely big enough for a Cabbage Patch doll, a different onesie for each color of the rainbow, and probably every dinosaur tee shirt ever created; those drawers were jam-packed with some of my fondest memories.

Then I watched as they carted the last piece off: our changing table. I laughed between sobs recalling how my son, at one week old, had peed on his own face while lying on that changing table. Caught somewhere between horror and amusement, I was unable to react quickly enough to stop the powerful stream of newborn urine from landing directly in his eye. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry then, so it seems fitting to be simultaneously doing both now.

What is it about these mementos, these pieces of our children’s lives, that is so difficult to let go? We needed to get rid of that furniture—we need both the space and the money. Logically, there was no alternative to selling it. But it breaks my heart to know my precious baby furniture is gone forever.

It brings me comfort to know that I’ll have memories of my children’s infant years forever, even if I no longer own the memorabilia itself. Those memories will bring me comfort as the years continue to pass and my babies continue to grow out of clothes and toys and beds. The memorabilia will pile up, I’m sure, and like everything else most of it will have to be given away.

But the memories will linger forever in my heart.

Memories, thankfully, can’t be sold on eBay.

By Jeannine Cintron, a Staten Island mom of two. Read her blog at www.highchairsandheadaches.com.

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Cooking for a crowd can be overwhelming, especially on Thanksgiving day. From stuffing the turkey to cleaning the house, you’ve got your hands full. So when it’s time to throw together some tasty side dishes, you need recipes that are low in maintenance but high in approval from guests. These sides are so easy to make, they each require only three ingredients!

Coconut Oil Biscuits

Ingredients:
2 cups self-rising flour
1/4 cup coconut oil (solid, not melted)
3/4 cup milk

Directions:
• Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
• Add self-rising flour and coconut oil to a mixing bowl, and use a pastry cutter or forks to cut the coconut oil into the flour until the mixture is like fine crumbs.
• Stir in the milk until mixture forms a soft dough and no longer sticks to the sides of the bowl. Knead the mixture until combined, but be careful not to over-knead.
• Turn the dough out onto a cutting board that has been lightly dusted with flour. Gently roll the dough out until it reaches a 1/2-inch thickness. Use a biscuit cutter to cut out the biscuits and transfer to a baking sheet.
• Bake for 10 minutes or until the biscuits have risen and begin to lightly brown on top. Remove and serve immediately.

GimmeSomeOven.com

Garlic Butter Mushrooms

Ingredients:
1/4 cup butter
4 cloves garlic, minced
16oz mushrooms (white or baby bella) washed then patted dry

Directions:
• Place a large cast iron skillet into the oven and preheat to 400 degrees. If you don’t have a cast iron skillet you can use a pie pan or casserole dish, but you shouldn’t preheat it.
• Add butter and garlic to a small dish and microwave until melted, about 30 seconds. Trim ends off mushrooms with a small knife and place cap side down in skillet or baking dish.
• Drizzle each cap with garlic butter, taking care to get garlic on the mushroom rather than the skillet or baking dish, then season tops with salt and pepper.
• Roast for 25-30 minutes, or until tender, basting mushrooms with butter in the bottom of the skillet halfway through.

IowaGirlEats.com

Maple Roasted Butternut Squash

Ingredients:
1 1/4 lbs butternut squash, peeled and diced 3/4-inch
1/2 tbsp olive oil or coconut oil
2 1/2 tbsp pure maple syrup

Directions:
• Preheat the oven to 400°F.
• In a large bowl, toss the butternut squash with oil, maple, salt and fresh ground pepper.
• Place in a baking dish, cover with foil and roast in the center of the oven for 25 minutes. Remove foil, turn the squash and bake an addition 15 minutes, or until fork tender (time will vary depending on the size of the squash).

SkinnyTaste.com

Cranberry Orange Sauce

Ingredients:
1/4 cup freshly squeezed orange juice, plus the zest of one orange
1/2 cup sugar, or more, to taste
1 (12-ounce) bag fresh cranberries

Directions:
• In a medium saucepan, combine orange juice, orange zest, sugar and 3/4 cup water over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the sugar has dissolved.
• Stir in cranberries and bring to a boil; reduce heat and let simmer until sauce has thickened, about 15 minutes.
• Let cool completely before serving.

DamnDelicious.net

“You’re adopted. Your parents don’t even love you.” This line, from the movie Dodgeball, is callously delivered by Vince Vaughn but, to be honest, when I heard it I laughed. I’m very open-minded when it comes to comedy so to me the joke worked in context. But on a serious note, that statement doesn’t make any sense. I’ve never understood how “you’re adopted” could ever be used as an insult. What could be more loving than parents who go out of their way to bring a child into their family?

Yet sometimes a negative connotation still exists. Having a first-person experience with being an adopted child, I feel that more light should be shed upon the true essence of adoption.

One of the first questions people ask me is, “When did you find out that you were adopted?” It’s a difficult one to answer since my adoption was never something I had to “find out” about– it was never hidden in the first place. As far back as I can remember, my mom told me that she had a boo-boo in her belly and couldn’t have babies. So she and my dad prayed and prayed and prayed and waited and waited and waited and finally I was born just to be their daughter. My parents’ open and loving attitude kept any negative stigma from affecting me. That story always made me feel like the most loved kid ever, and it still does!

So even though I have always known that I was adopted, not everyone else knows that about me. Why? Because my adoption is not what defines me. I’m not ashamed of it by any means, but there aren’t many times that I find the need to bring it up. Just like everyone else, the woman who raised me is my mother. Period. No other label is needed.

My birthmother will always have a special place in my heart, of course. Loving and carrying a child for nine months and then giving the baby up cannot be an easy choice, but I believe she made that sacrifice for altruistic reasons. She already had four children and knew she couldn’t afford to care for a fifth. Many mothers might have ended the pregnancy at this point, and others would have tried to make it work with what little money they had. But this article isn’t about pro-life or pro-choice; it’s about an option that is so often overlooked.

I’m forever grateful for my birthmother’s decision back then. It was truly a selfless act of love and strength, putting the needs of her baby ahead of her own heart. She was alone in a country where she didn’t understand the language, yet managed to work with an adoption agency to give me a better life than she could provide. She didn’t receive any money or praise for what she did, and from what I’ve heard, pregnancy and childbirth aren’t exactly a walk in the park. While I hope to never be in the same situation she was in, I do hope I will have her courage and wisdom to deal with whatever obstacles I encounter in my life.

When asked if I ever want to find my “real” parents, I quickly remind people that my “real” parents raised me, and it doesn’t feel that important for me to meet my birthparents. Sure, I get curious about some things, like whether or not I look or act like them, but I believe everything happened the way it was supposed to, and I respect that.

There’s a good chance that my birthparents think of me everyday, maybe they even gave me a name. But even if they completely forgot that I ever existed, I don’t care. When I was in their lives, they loved me exactly how I needed to be loved, which determined the course of my life. And when my parents’ entered my life, they picked up right where my birthparents’ left off, so the flow of love never stopped. I was brought into a home that revolved around finding me and as soon as I got there, our family was complete. I have been raised with so much unconditional love that I couldn’t possibly associate my adoption with anything negative.

I understand that not every story is as simple or happy as mine. Some kids were abandoned or rejected. Some bounce between group homes and foster parents and have endless struggles along the way. My heart goes out to them. I hope that each of them find a home filled with the love they deserve. But in the end, whether there are unfortunate circumstances that lead up to it or not, adoption itself is a beautiful thing and should always be acknowledged as such.

When the time comes for me to start a family, I would be happy to welcome a child brought to me through adoption, because as I have learned through my own life, family is defined by love, not by DNA.

By Nicole Farina, who wants her mom, Staten Island Parent’s owner, Roselle Farina Hecht, to know how much her love and support is appreciated.

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