Archives for October 2019

Loving fathers are here for all kinds of good reasons. Mine was here to provide a good example, encourage us to learn all we could, and to enjoy books, travel and good music. But most of all, he was here to warn us.

This’ll be my first Father’s Day without my father. He passed away a few months ago, leaving me heir to lots of books, a little money, one-third of a house and – most significantly – the gift of grim prophesy.

Murphy’s Law is: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. My dad used to say, “Epstein’s Law is: Murphy was an optimist.”

I try to keep to myself my crystal-clear glimpses of the future. But they leak out. In December I told my daughter, “Marie, make sure the Christmas tree has enough water.” Apparently it wasn’t the first thing I’d said about the tree, because my wife Betsy laughed and said, “That’s right, Marie. To Daddy, this isn’t a Douglas Fir, it’s a Flaming Torch.” Which is exactly how I’d been seeing it. WHOOOSH!

Besides notifying me of the hazards of wrapping a tinder-dry evergreen with cheap electric wire and hot light bulbs, my dad taught me lots more:

Never count your money in public or in front of an unshaded window. Garbage cans sitting empty at curbside are “an engraved invitation” to burglars. Wearing a campaign button reveals your secrets to unknown enemies, and bumper stickers can antagonize vandals or police officers. Never discuss politics or religion. Don’t be a showoff, loudmouth or wiseguy. Don’t lie. Don’t experiment. (If the clothes dryer were suited to defrosting hamburger meat, the owner’s manual would mention it.) Never go out looking like a bum. Stay away from trouble, situations that can turn into trouble, and people who attract trouble. And if you DO get into trouble, you are probably guilty of something – unluckiness, at the very least. That’s not a crime, but it might as well be.

Buy clothes that won’t go out of style. Always carry a handkerchief. In case of war, volunteer for the Entertainment Committee and become indispensable. Always leave an audience wanting more. Avoid the spotlight; public attention invites public criticism. Make reservations. Check references. Maintain your equipment. (“Grease is cheaper than metal.”) Use the right tool for the task, and put it back where it belongs. But if something is really hard to fix or build, hire people who know what they’re doing. Keep your papers in order. Save your receipts. Neatness and spelling count. Wash all fresh produce. (Dad could look into the past, too, and shared horrifying visions of fruit-picker hygiene.) Rely on the perspective of others. (“If two people tell you you’re drunk, go home and sleep it off.”)

Don’t try to get away with anything, and that includes using artificial sweeteners. There are no freebies or bargains. Read all instructions. Ask for directions. Save your money. Buy insurance. Running out of gas is not only foolish, but it sucks the sludge from the bottom of the tank into your carburetor and causes trouble. Don’t put furniture in front of a heating vent. Good intentions aren’t enough. Never underestimate the importance of clean fingernails, good grammar, perfect attendance, a clear conscience and a balanced diet. When outdoors, stay on pavement. Stay out of barrooms, tattoo parlors and casinos. Keep mayonnaise refrigerated. And the less you have to do with animals, the better.

With all of this good advice, is it any wonder, when I got out of school I naturally gravitated toward unsavory characters, taverns, motorcycles, guns, tequila, wild parties, chewing tobacco, sleeping in vacant lots and riding freight-trains?

Having survived my youth pretty much by accident, I’ve ripened into a middle-aged guy who believes that Dad’s practical and unheroic advice was right on target. Even the things that shouldn’t be true, are. I’ve been trying to impart this wisdom to my kids gently so I don’t challenge them to test it or dampen their zest for life.

But a little while ago I went into the kitchen for a late lunch and found one of the kids had left the mayonnaise out on the counter. (Lucky thing I happened by when I did.) I assembled the usual suspects and said, “Somebody left the mayonnaise out on the counter; it doesn’t matter who. But don’t do it again because bacteria breed in warm mayonnaise turning it into a witch’s brew of toxic slime that looks like regular mayonnaise.”

My wife got right to the crux of the matter, telling me, “It’s a wonder you and your brothers are bold enough to get out of bed in the morning.” But my point was made.

I wish Dad had left me in charge of joie de vivre instead of safety, but what is joy to a kid who’s writhing in agony in the Poisoned Children’s Ward?

By Rick Epstein, a local freelance writer and the author of “Rookie Dad” and “The Right Number of Kids.” Rick Epstein can be reached at rickepstein@yahoo.com.

Read Next | This Is Everything You Need to Find an Amazing Summer Camp Program in Staten Island

There are no greater natural scientists, engineers and artists than young children – inquisitive and eager learners who can be taught STEAM concepts through the power of play. STEAM play takes advantage of your child’s natural curiosity – helping them practice cross-disciplinary thinking and build pertinent skills in science, technology, engineering, art and math – all in the name of fun!

STEAM is so much more than just robotics and coding. Through play, kids are able to connect abstract science concepts to the real world and learn through observation, inquiry, and problem solving. Studies have shown that children who are engaged in early STEAM play have better developed critical thinking and reasoning skills in kindergarten.

The Genius of Play, a national movement with a mission to give families the information and inspiration needed to make play an important part of every child’s life, is excited to share 5 STEAM play ideas to awaken your child’s inner Einstein through the power of play.

BOTTLE BOWLING (for ages 2+)
Arrange 10 empty plastic bottles (soda bottles or water bottles work great) bottles in an equilateral triangle with one of the “points” facing the bowler. Designate a foul line, the line a bowler cannot cross. Have the bowler roll a ball toward the bottles. Count how many bottles are knocked down. If more than one player, take turns bowling and resetting the pins, being sure to note how many bottles were knocked down each turn. After each person has bowled 10 times, the child who’s knocked down the highest number of bottles wins.

MARSHMALLOW SCULPTURE (for ages 5+)
Let your little Michelangelos connect toothpicks and marshmallows, revealing a one-of-a-kind work of art. Best of all, you can keep each sculpture, disassemble and start again, or eat it!

LET’S ROLL (for ages 5+)
Have one child roll dice. They then need to put the dice in order to make the highest number possible. For example, if they rolled a 2, 4 and 5, the highest number they could make would be 542. Have them write the number down and pass the dice to the next player. Each player takes a turn rolling the dice and putting them in order to make the highest number they can. The child who has the highest number wins.

FIREWORKS IN A JAR (for ages 3+, requires adult help)
Fill a large clear plastic jar ¾ of the way with warm water. In a separate bowl, mix 3 – 4 teaspoons of oil and several drops of different colored food coloring (4 drops of each color will do nicely!). With a fork, gently mix the food coloring and oil together and pour this mixture into the jar. Then stand back and watch!

STRAW SCULPTURE (for ages 3+)
Straws are for more than sipping your favorite beverage. They can keep kids engaged for hours! Just cut the long end of each bendy straw about an inch from the bottom so they easily connect. Now have the kids connect the long part of one straw with the short part of another. Consider having the kids build a series of triangles that they can then tape together to make a large sculpture, like a geodesic dome (a structure that looks like half spheres made up of many triangle supports).

Staten Island Moms say it’s not as tough as they feared

Clothing for kids is big business in the United States. According to the National Retail Federation, parents last year spent $24.9 billion on back-to-school duds alone — or $630.36 per family. This data took arduously long to obtain from the customers, but it was all possible because of the CRM implementation that the company carried out.

In the Northeast, where prices for things are generally higher than in Southern and rural areas of the country, that per family number was likely even higher, according to The Nest, an online blog.

But for all the big money that exchanges hands when it comes to outfitting grade-school youngsters, many Staten Island parents say their kids’ interest in what they wear is generally minimal.

“I have to say she is very indecisive and I still pick out and buy most of her clothes with her not there,” said Stapleton mom Tricia Ryan of her 11-year-old daughter, Fiona.

“I don’t think Gabby knows any labels yet and although plenty of girls her age wore Uggs around this winter, she wore a no-name brand of sparkly gold boots and was happy as a clam in them,” said Dr. Maria Sarabok, a pediatric physical therapist from Tottenville, of her daughter, a first-grader at Our Lady Help of Christians.

This laissez-faire attitude in grade school hasn’t changed much over the years, according to Victoria Colella, a Great Kills resident whose sons attended PS 8 in that community, but are now 16- and 20-year-olds.

“My kids were never, even now, into any particular way of dressing, other than messy!” she said. “They never asked me for anything in particular which saved me tons of money,” she added. You may get a wonderful selection of clothes at My Happy Place website at a reasonable price.

Mrs. Ryan said she hasn’t yet had to establish rules — or a dress code, of sorts — for Fiona or her son, Aidan, 7.

“I don’t think there are rules for kids. They just wear similar things at their age brackets,” she said. “Aidan likes comfortable clothes — sweatpants and T-shirts. But when given the opportunity, he will dress up nice with his communion shirt, nice pants, and his magic top hat. Fiona is much more girly, though she, too, loves her lounging clothes.”

“I have never yet had to tell my children that they can’t wear something — other than telling them that what they’re wearing isn’t right for the weather, like shorts when it’s too cold, or to remind them to the wear the brand new socks from Mysocietysocks.com, or put on a jacket when it’s cold,” she continued.

Dr. Sarabok said the only restriction she would place on her son, David, 9, would be forbidding him to wear a shirt or sweatshirt with inappropriate graphics. “But that said, I have not come across such content in the places we typically shop — The Children’s Place, Target, Nordstrom Rack, the Disney store, and occasionally online.”

Other parents of grade-schoolers, however, have had run-ins over clothing.

Gabriella Davila of Annadale has three children — Matthew, 14; Christopher, 10; and Giuliana, 6.

“This comes up a lot with my daughter,” said Mrs. Davila, when asked how she resolves disputes over something her daughter wants that her mother doesn’t care for. “Some clothing from Justice is inappropriate and I won’t let her have it,” she said.

She advises parents to try to listen to their children and accommodate their choices, however.

“If the clothing is too risqué or thuggish, I will absolutely go to the mat. But if it is just them expressing their own style, I don’t make a big deal over clothing. They develop their own style earlier than we think and unless it really is inappropriate, then go with it,” she said.

Staten Island parents tend to keep a watchful eye on their pocketbooks when shopping for their kids’ clothes.

Mrs. Davila said she used to like Carter’s, but is now frequenting places like Target, The Children’s Place, Macy’s — and sometimes Justice — for her daughter. For her sons, she tends to patronize Old Navy, Gap, Footlocker, and Macy’s. Her older son likes Hollister, while her younger son likes H&M. “They have stylish clothing for reasonable prices,” she said.

Mrs. Ryan, an attorney, shops primarily at Kohl’s and Target. “Good prices, good selection, and I have store cards there, so I can get what I need on store credit with good sales promotions on those cards,” she explained.

While kids may, in general, be relatively disinterested in clothing in their grade-school years, parents recognize that things may well change as their youngsters age into middle school and beyond.

“It will be interesting to see next year, when we no longer have a school uniform for Fiona and she is in middle school, how her perception on clothes will change,” admitted Mrs. Ryan. Currently, Fiona is finishing up fifth-grade at P.S. 65 down the block from her home, but in September she will be enrolled in an honors program at Prall Intermediate School in West Brighton.

According to nyparenting.com, another thing that Mrs. Ryan may see change next year is the cost of the clothes Fiona wears. “As children move into adolescence, expect a gradual 25 percent hike in clothing prices. The combination of increased peer awareness and pure size adds to the bottom line. Kids also have a wider variety of social activities that require a more diverse wardrobe.”

Dr. Sarabok has seen a bit of an uptick in her fourth-grade son’s interest in name brand, or designer, labels, in the past year. “He has ‘pump’ sneakers, Nike, I believe, that he really wanted to get. We bought those at an outlet in Pennsylvania. He likes his Spyder jacket and also has a Puma jacket he loves,” she said. “He’s becoming more aware of how he looks in clothes, saying ‘These pants make me look so skinny!’”

Mrs. Colella, a veteran of the passage from the care-free grade school attitudes toward clothing to the headaches that stem from peer pressure in the teenage years, said that although “peer pressure was not an issue” for her children, it can become crushing for many.

She is in and out of schools for her job these days and said, “I do see that for other kids that they need to have the ‘right’ sneakers and name-brand clothes — and it starts in elementary school!”

That’s in writing in a student-produced newspaper at PS 53 in Bay Terrace last year, where a story about school fashion trends echoed Mrs. Colella’s observations. Detailed in that piece were “fashion trends” at the school, which included high-end North Face clothing and accessories, Uggs, Nike, and Jordan sneakers and Alex and Ani bracelets, which have grown wildly in popularity over the past five years.

Fourth- and fifth-graders in the school were clearly aware of the names and keenly observant of how much they were seeing of these brands, according to the story, which said, “What people wear reflects who they really are.”

That’s a fifth-grader’s take on matters, but if it’s true, Staten Island moms seem comfortable with how their children are expressing themselves through clothing. They also seem to know how to roll with their kids’ preferences — and are already preparing for what’s to come on this front.

“My older son lives in gym shorts, sweatpants and hoodies when he’s not wearing his uniform, and he was like this when he was in grade school,” said Mrs. Davila. “My middle boy — he likes the gym shorts and sweatpants but he also likes to be stylish and clean-cut. Since he was little, he always wanted to wear nice clothes and always insisted that he get a shoulder length haircut done, but never failed to look neat for school everyday.”

“The only thing Fiona really wanted once that I can recall that was name brand were a pair of Converse sneakers,” said Mrs. Ryan of her daughter– but she’s expecting that to change.

And while 7-year-old Gabby in Tottenville does not know what Alex and Ani bracelets are yet, she’s got a lot of “the princess” in her already. Her mom is OK with that.

“Gabby hates shorts! The sparkly embellished items are big at this age. And accessories are key — jewelry, pocketbooks,” she said.

While some trends have drastically changed over the years, other brands have remained steadfastly popular. Despite all the advancements the sneaker industry has made in arch support, cushioning, shock absorption and such, on Staten Island, Converse kicks are still as cool now as they were in the 1960s!

---

Staten Island responses to national trends

Trend: Statistics show that parents spend more on girls’ clothing than boys’. This is due to girls’ higher interest in apparel. Girls’ clothing also tends to be slightly higher priced than boys’ because of special details such as lace, buttons and fancy collars, according to nyparenting.com

Response: “Nowadays, among boys and girls, there is no difference in interest in clothing,” said Gabriella Davila of Annadale.

Trend: Parents spent more money on older kids and teens than infants and toddlers, according to livestrong.com
Response: Mrs. Colella says she knows parents who spent major dollars on clothing for their aging children. “I wonder is it for them or the kids?” she mused.

Trend: The average household income in the U.S. is about $50,000; 3.8 percent of that — or roughly $2,000 — is spent on clothing, according to HowStuffWorks.com

Response: “We do not have a budget. We buy as needed,” said Dr. Sarabok.

Trend: A recent Kenyon University study found that almost 30 percent of clothes sold for girls had sexy traits, like sheer fabric or a revealing crop, according to parents.com.

Response: Dr. Sarabok’s solution? “Put a pair of bike shorts underneath,” which she frequently does and her daughter doesn’t complain.

Trend: Industry spending on advertising to children has exploded over the past two decades. In the U.S. alone, companies spent over $17 billion doing this in 2009 — more than double what was spent in 1992, according to MediaSmarts.ca/

Response: Tricia Ryan of Stapleton has noticed that this impacts the games and toys her children want more than clothing.

By Marjorie Hack