Archives for October 2019

When I’m not busy contributing to all great stuff you find here at Staten Island Parent, I blog about my adventures in parenting. After perusing my website recently, a very sweet reader left a comment stating she only has one kid but still really enjoys all the stuff I write about. “ONLY” one kid, she said.

My kids are over three years apart, so I had “only” one kid for a while myself and let me tell you, having one kid is not necessarily easier than having two. It’s probably not even much easier than having a whole litter of ‘em actually.

Now that I have two kids, a nice chunk of my day is admittedly spent physically prying my children off of one another, mediating arguments prompted by pressing matters like whether it’s time to watch Team Umizoomi or Scooby Doo, and who gets to eat the last package of fruit snacks. But in between those annoying spurts of fighting, my home is filled with the joyful sounds of children playing together. Frequent fits of giggles and shrieks of laughter, freckled by mischievous moments of quiet scheming, then followed by even more explosive laughter– these are the sweet, sweet sounds of siblings getting along. And to me, they’re some of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. I think that if you could bottle the blissful sound of children’s laughter, it might just cure every illness under the sun.

I’m not implying that having one child will leave you with a dull, laughter-less home. Not at all. As any parent knows, all children are hilarious in their own way. We just tip the laughter scale around here even more than we used to before my second child came along.

Particularly for a new parent, caring for “only” one child can be one of the loneliest feelings in the world.  In fact, I was extremely depressed for most of the three years I spent as a mother of one child. The door would close in the morning as my husband headed off to work, and the seemingly endless hours of loneliness would begin. I’d look down at my little guy and he’d look up at me, his eyes as wide as his expectations for the day, and I knew that keeping him content for those long hours was all on me. It’s a big job, and not an easy one.

Fact: there is really only so much coloring, finger-painting, and shape-sorting you can do before you start to lose your ever-loving mind.

Some moms like to stay busy by filling their toddler’s schedules with exciting play dates. And that’s great. But what about parents who, like I was, are new to their neighborhood and don’t have a ton of mommy friends with whom to set up play dates? You could sign your kid up for a playgroup or some type of class that encourages socialization, but those things aren’t always cheap. For new parents making ends meet, there’s rarely room in the budget for such expenses when you can roll a big ball around and sing The Wheels on the Bus to your kid at home for free.

Another problem I had when my son was an only child was sharing. At home, all of his precious toys were his and his alone. Without the frequent wails of “but it’s MY turn!” from a jealous sibling, sharing was a foreign concept to my little guy. I’ve always found it to be painfully awkward when your kid has engaged in a knock-down, drag-out, tug-of-war match with another kid over a toy, and the parents need to step in and encourage the angry toddlers to “take turns,” as if that really works. Usually the match rages on until the toy is removed and both children are sulking, or the other kid hands it over and your kid ends up looking bad. Either way it’s an uncomfortable situation that rarely results in any follow-up play dates.

So moms of “only” one child, do yourselves a favor and give a little, in fact a LOT, of credit where it’s due. Raising kids is tricky business, no matter how many you have. Every type of parenting comes with its own set of challenges- one kid, two kids, ten kids, twins, triplets, whatever. The bottom line is that you are raising a living, breathing, human being who is depending solely on you to keep him or her thriving and well, 24/7. It’s a big responsibility. I think, even for those parents raising a whole boatload of kids, we’re all just figuring out this parenting thing as we go.

By Jeannine Cintron, a Staten Island mom of two who would like to state, for the record, that she does NOT want a whole boatload of kids. Read her blog at www.HighchairsandHeadaches.com.

New York Sports Connection Presents the 2016 Essay Contest on Sportsmanship

“What Role Does Sportsmanship Play in Youth Sports?”

Open to NYC Kids Ages 12 – 18! CASH and/or PRIZES of up to $500!!

Mickey Mantle, a true sportsman, once said, “After I hit a home run I had a habit of running the bases with my head down. I figured the pitcher already felt bad enough without me showing him up rounding the bases.”

Have you witnessed, or been a part of, an act of good sportsmanship? Have you ever wondered why acts of good sportsmanship are sometimes remembered long after the score of the game is forgotten? Have you ever acted like a poor sport, and regretted it later?

New York Sports Connection, the hub for youth sports information in New York City, will award top prizes of up to $500 (in cash and/or other prizes) to the the best original, never-before-published essays that promote sportsmanship and fair play in several age groups! Additional prizes may be awarded to runners-up depending on the number of entries received.

WHO CAN ENTER: Authors must be between 12 and 18 years of age as of April 30, 2016, and a legal resident of one of the five boroughs of New York City (Brooklyn, The Bronx, Manhattan, Queens, or Staten Island.) Only one entry may be submitted per author. For essays authored by someone under 18, a parent or guardian must fill out the contest entry form and upload the essay (but it still has to be written by the child!) Authors who are 18 years of age, can fill out the contest entry form and submit their own essays. Parents & Guardians: If you are entering on behalf of more than one child under 18, please fill out a separate entry for each child. Please read the complete rules for detailed instructions.

WHAT TO WRITE: Authors should write an original essay between 400 and 500 words (500 maximum!) about, “What Role Does Sportsmanship Play in Youth Sports?” Authors should include their definition of sportsmanship. If an author can share a true story of good sportsmanship that he or she has observed or been a part of, that’s great, but it’s not required.

HOW TO FORMAT: Submit essays in 12-point font with the author’s name, age, grade, school and contact details (of person who submitted the essay) printed at the top. Files must be named with the first and last name of the author and the contest name. For example, “John-Doe-2016 Essay Contest.”

HOW ESSAYS WILL BE JUDGED: Essays will be judged on the basis of use of the theme (30%); originality (10%); grammar and spelling (20%); emotional appeal (10%) and writing skills appropriate for the author’s age (10%). The judging panel includes Olympic Silver Medalist in fencing, Tim Morehouse, WFAN Radio’s Craig Carton, and Kym Hampton, a former NY Liberty player and current Community Ambassador for the team.

THE ENTRY DEADLINE IS APRIL 30, 2016

CLICK HERE FOR RULES AND CONTEST FORM

Dear Younger Me:

I know you weren’t really sure you wanted to have kids, but once you became a mom you wanted to do it right. Trouble is, you were always second-guessing whether you were doing it right as you went along. And there were plenty of people along the way who sowed doubt in your mind. Take heart.

Your daughters will grow up to be competent, compassionate, loving adults whom you like being around. You’ll experience a lot of joy over the next couple of decades, but the trying times will test your spirit as it’s never been tested before. Here’s a bit of advice to help you get through the worst of it:

Whatever stage your kids are going through, it will pass. So even though you may despair that you’ll be changing diapers the rest of your life, your kids will outgrow them. While you will watch in agony from the sidelines as your daughter struggles to find a circle of friends, she will eventually find her social niche. While you will feel as though you argue about everything with your teen, you’re going to become close again.

Share your low moments with close friends and neighbors. Remember the time you locked yourself in the bathroom just to get a few minutes without a child hanging onto some part of your body? Remember sitting on the closed toilet lid sobbing quietly while the girls banged on the door demanding to be let in? Turns out, you weren’t the only one with an experience like that. In fact, you’ll find out later that at least two neighbors up the street have similar stories. If you talk to each other about the challenges you face when they happen, maybe you can help each other get through the long days.

You’ll never regret getting the membership to the zoo and taking your kids often during the year. The experiences you have there, and at the park, will be the things they talk about when they’re older and reminisce about their childhood.

Listen to the advice of professionals, but don’t be afraid to push back on their conclusions. Keep your cool when your daughter’s kindergarten teacher tells you that without expensive private tutoring she’ll always be behind in reading and in math. Hit pause when the pediatrician says your child’s persistent cough may be cystic fibrosis and she wants a lung x-ray.

Professionals may be quick to recommend extensive and invasive actions in order to be comprehensive and thorough, many of which may be ultimately unnecessary. But even though they may be more educated about the issue at hand, you are the mom, and you know your child better than they do. Ask about alternatives. Ask what happens if you wait a bit before proceeding. Educate yourself, calm yourself, then decide.

Reading to your children long after they can read on their own is one of the best things you can do. So don’t second-guess yourself when others question why you still read to your kids, even when they’re teens. You’ll discover that talking about what happens in books is the best way to find out what‘s going on in their lives.

Of course, even knowing things turn out over the long term can’t completely stop the worry. But give yourself a break. Take comfort in knowing that you’re doing the best you can. And don’t forget to get out without the kids every now and then. You’ll find that helps a lot when they’ve left home for college.

With love,

Your Empty-Nester Self

By Cindy Hudson, a freelance writer who wishes she could receive a letter from her older self, possibly as a grandmother, with advice on parenting her adult daughters.