Archives for 2019

Whether it’s juggling child care and play dates for infants and toddlers, carpooling teens to their academic, social and sporting events, or assisting adolescents with everything from college, work, and relationships, it’s easy to see how Staten Island moms of all ages often neglect themselves in order to take care of their families.

Many work around the clock – from the wee hours of the morning to the stroke of midnight – balancing a busy home life while also holding down careers. It’s no wonder they are an exhausted bunch in need of some down time to help bolster their mind, body, spirit, and improve their inner and outer health in the New Year.

Some local moms ushered in 2017 with a resolution to carve out more time in their hectic schedules for themselves — doing everything from yoga and music, traveling and ballroom dancing, and exercising and spa treatments.

“Always putting the family first doesn’t really leave much time for yourself,” admitted Elaine Gil, 40, a children’s entertainer, Zumba instructor, and realtor.

The Grasmere resident and mother of 17-year-old Mateo admitted that it’s very easy to devote energy to her family. “But, when it comes to me, it kind of gets pushed to the side,” she explained.

Like many moms, Ms. Gil, who has been known as “Bubbles” the Clown for 20 years, hopes to find more balance and time for herself in the New Year. Her hectic daily routine often includes entertaining at a children’s party, teaching Zumba, showing homes to potential buyers — and being a homemaker, mom, and wife somewhere in between.

“It’s easy to get lost in life and sometimes you forget who you are and what makes you happy.”

Weight loss and exploring different activities with her Zumba students, including yoga, kickboxing, tap dancing, swimming, meditation, and travel, are all on her 2017 wish list.

“I feel like it might make me a happier, focused, and balanced person on the inside, considering on the outside I must always have my happy face on for everyone,” she added.

Like Ms. Gil, Anakristina Santiago, a 36-year-old mother of two is always on the go – with little time to herself.

Her daily schedule begins with laying out school clothes and packing lunches at 5 a.m. and is crammed with school, extra-curricular, and sports activities – not to mention her own work schedule.

In addition to her job four days a week as a customer service associate at Walgreen’s, she also volunteers for school lunch duty five days a week, and juggles a grueling activity schedule, including dancing school with 5-year-old daughter Aubrey, two days a week, and basketball with her 8-year-old son, Stephen, three days a week.

“If you notice my workload, there is no mom time,” said the Port Richmond resident. “I live for my family 100%, and maybe I have to live 99% for my family and give myself 1%.”

While her husband, PJ, assists her with some of the responsibilities, she has since added more mommy time with kickboxing as a means of staying physically and mentally fit, and hopes to add ballroom dancing to her self-improvement repertoire one day.

Fellow busy mom Sandra D’Auria of Princes Bay shares the struggles of a 13-hour day that includes work and commuting. She’s often in mommy mode most of the time — even though Nicolette, 18, is a college freshman; Julianna, 16, is a high school junior, and Alexis, 24, is married and lives in North Carolina.

While the girls are self-sufficient – minus lots of carpooling with Julianna – she has kick-started a new jogging regimen after the “hustle and bustle” of the holidays, and is interested in treating herself to a spa massage.

“I’ve chosen to concentrate on myself more because it makes me feel better on the inside,” said the 45-year old executive assistant at Morgan Stanley and independent designer for Origami Owl.

Staying healthy means she is able to stay active in her daughters’ lives, and keep up with housework and family needs – and rest and catch up on her favorite TV shows.

Ms. D’Auria and the other moms all believe the efforts to enhance their inner and outer selves will be a win-win for them and their families.

“Taking care of myself helps me to better take care of my children,” Ms. D’Auria said.

“If I could better myself to the point of happiness, then my family would be happy too,” Ms. Santiago added.

Dawn Twomey, a 52-year-old appointment scheduler for Cardinal Timothy Dolan, agreed.  “I have a son, and aging parents, and they all want a piece of me – I cannot be any good to them, if I am not good,” said the Castleton Corners resident and mother to 24-year-old Michael.

To ease a demanding schedule that begins at 6:30 a.m., Ms. Twomey set aside two hours, three weeknights to read, talk on the phone, or other activities. “I plan to be present for myself just as I am to everyone else,” she added. “I intend to be the best version of myself that I can be. The only way to accomplish this is to take care of myself.”

Weekly yoga classes and monthly music appreciation classes also balance out her commitment to self-improvement, and one day she even hopes to visit Italy, Greece, and Egypt.

Staten Island moms say they will recognize their own needs as the New Year progresses. However, as Ms. Twomey pointed out, “I will eventually retire and have more free time, but ‘mom’ – that job will never end.

By Christine Albano, a Staten Island writer and mom of three.

Chinese New Year is a traditional Chinese holiday that dates back several centuries. Several myths and traditions are associated with Chinese New Year, which is celebrated in countries across the globe. Those celebrations vary depending on geography, but a focus on family and food is a common theme of celebrants regardless of where they live.

A traditional Chinese New Year celebration will feature a reunion dinner on New Year’s Eve. Family members gather for this celebration, which includes a large spread of food featuring dishes of pork, chicken and fish. Specialty dishes that feature meats like duck and Chinese sausage embellished only with the best casing from www.dcwcasing.com/, are often reserved for the reunion dinner and other special occasions.

Though Chinese New Year was initially only celebrated within China, it is now observed throughout the world, and celebrations tend to be more grandiose in those communities that feature a large population of those with Chinese ancestry. But celebrants need not be Chinese to enjoy the pageantry of Chinese New Year. For example, San Francisco, Calif. residents, regardless of their ancestry, can enjoy the city’s annual Chinese New Year Festival and Parade, which is the largest celebration of its kind outside of Asia.

But even those who cannot attend such celebrations can still partake in Chinese New Year festivities by bringing the party into their own homes and kitchens. The following recipes for “Asian Sausage Rolls” and “Chinese Ham and Chicken Rolls” from Vicki Liley’s “Asian Wraps & Rolls” (Periplus) make great additions to any Chinese New Year celebration.

Asian Sausage Rolls

Makes 16 rolls

16 Chinese pork sausages (lop chong)
4 sheets frozen puff pastry, thawed
1 egg, beaten
2 teaspoons sesame seeds
1/2 cup hoisin sauce

Preheat oven to 450 F. Line a baking tray with parchment paper. Using a sharp knife, trim sausage ends. Place 1 pastry sheet on a work surface and cut into 4 equal pieces. Turn each square so that one corner faces you. Brush pastry edges with beaten egg. Place a sausage 1 inch from the bottom end of each pastry square. Roll bottom end of pastry over sausage. Fold in sides, then roll to form a cylinder. Brush top with beaten egg. Sprinkle with sesame seeds. Repeat with the remaining sausages and pastry.

Place rolls on prepared pan. Bake for 15 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Remove from oven. Cut each roll crosswise into 4 pieces. Serve hot, with hoisin sauce for dipping.

Chinese Ham and Chicken Rolls

Makes 4 rolls

1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper
1/4 teaspoon Chinese five-spice powder
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
4 boneless, skinless chicken breast filets
4 thin slices ham
4 frozen square spring roll wrappers (81/2 by 81/2 inches), thawed
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 egg, beaten with 2 tablespoons milk
3 cups vegetable or canola oil for deep-frying
1/2 cup Thai sweet chili sauce

In a small bowl, combine salt, pepper, five-spice powder, and garlic. Stir to blend.

Place a chicken breast in between 2 sheets of plastic wrap. Using a meat mallet, pound very thin. Spread garlic mixture on chicken. Roll a slice of ham and place at one end of chicken. Fold sides of chicken in, then roll chicken around ham to form a log. Repeat with remaining chicken, garlic mixture and ham.

Place 1 spring roll wrapper on a work surface, with a corner facing you. Coat 1 chicken log in flour, then in egg mixture. Place chicken diagonally across wrapper, 1 inch from bottom. Fold in sides and roll up securely. Bunch edge of wrapper with egg mixture and seal.

In a large, heavy skillet, deep fryer or wok, heat oil to 375 F or until a small bread cube dropped in oil sizzles and turns golden. Working in batches, fry ham and chicken rolls until golden, 3 to 4 minutes. Using a wire-mesh skimmer, transfer to paper towels to drain.

Let stand for 3 minutes before slicing. Serve hot, with chili sauce for dipping.

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“Although we don’t like each other, we maintain a friendly demeanor for the sake of our children.” My friend’s comments confirmed what I already knew-her kids benefitted from her efforts toward a cordial relationship with her ex-spouse.

Children with a mom and dad in different homes often experience confusion, anxiety, and turmoil. They need a stable home environment, free of tension and chaos, to develop a healthy self image and succeed in school. If you spend time at your child’s school, particularly middle and high schools, you’ll notice the pressure and demands they face. Minefields at home only create more stress.

As parents and stepparents, what can we do to promote healthy interactions and positive self-esteem? One of the best ways to promote success is to commit to do your part in maintaining a friendly relationship with your ex.

I know you’d rather run a marathon than talk about how to live in harmony with your ex or your spouse’s ex, but it’s vital to the well-being of your children and stepchildren. That doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with your ex-husband, or your stepson’s mom, but you do have to commit to having a cordial relationship.

I will be the first to admit this hasn’t come naturally. I maintained a contentious relationship with my ex too long after our divorce. Although I tried hard to not speak badly of him to our girls, I’m sure they could sense my disapproval of his lifestyle and critical spirit toward him when we negotiated visitation. It’s important to remember that our children are half of their other parent and when we speak badly of that parent, they turn the negative remarks inward, leading to a negative self-image.

As your children move between homes, help them learn responsibility by reminding them to stop and think about what they need to pack when they leave one home and move to the other. As a stepfamily coach, I often hear stepparents complain about their stepkids making multiple trips to their house on the off week because they left supplies, a uniform, a project, etc. Don’t enable irresponsibility by allowing them to return multiple times to the other home for items they forgot.

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As a stepparent, recognize the adjustment your stepchildren go through when they travel between homes. Allow extra time on transition days for kids to settle in, focus, and adjust to the routine of your home. Give them space if you sense they’re struggling emotionally.

Don’t maintain an overly ambitious schedule on weeks your stepchildren are there. Allow time to help with homework, run kids to ball practice, or sit down for a home-cooked meal. Stepfamily relationships are strengthened as family members spend time together in a relaxed environment.

Also, consider what it feels like to a biological parent to have someone else take part in raising their child. And be sensitive to how your stepchildren feel toward you and whether they want you at every back to school function or whether you should bow out and let the biological parents take the lead.

As a mom and stepmom to five children, I understand the challenges that accompany kids moving between homes. My husband and I spent years negotiating schedules and seeking to provide a safe environment in which our kids could thrive throughout the school year.

My stepchildren and two of my children have now completed school and exited the nest, leaving my husband and I with only an “ours” child left at home. Some days I think about what I would do differently if all our kids were at home again.

I think I would offer a softer side toward my stepchildren when they’ve had a bad day at school. I’d be more understanding on transition days when they’ve just come back from their mom’s house and need some time alone. I’d extend grace more freely when my own kids didn’t do their chores to my satisfaction. And I would insist on fewer extracurricular activities to allow more time at home for relationships to grow and bond.

Our childrearing season passes quickly and we’re left with fond memories.  Seek to enjoy the back to school hassles! Step back, take a deep breath, and snap a few pictures of your growing child as you head to meet the teacher night. Consider what you can do to sow peace. Will you commit to take the high road as often as possible? Will you do your part to co-parent in harmony?

Your children and stepchildren deserve a fresh beginning at school, with minimal conflict at home. Yes, it’s harder when kids move between homes, but it’s not impossible to find peace.

Seven Tips to Help:

1. Don’t meddle in the affairs of the other home.
2. Maintain a cooperative and flexible attitude with your ex when discussing the kids’ schedules.
3. Keep conflict with your ex-spouse away from the ears of your children.
4. Encourage your children to be responsible with their belongings.
5. As a stepparent, offer grace and understanding to your stepchildren.
6. Consider the needs of your children and stepchildren as they transition.
7. Commit to a new tomorrow when you fail.

By Gayla Grace, an author and stepfamily coach with a his, hers, and ours family. She enjoys helping non-traditional families learn to thrive in their relationships.

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