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Archives for 2019

Archives for 2019

New York Babymoon: Pregnant and Due for a Vacation

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Pregnancy is a pivotal time in a couple’s life. The birth of a child brings a whole new set of demands on time and energy that can create stress in the marriage relationship. Along with traditional childbirth preparations, some parents-to-be plan one last getaway to rest, rejuvenate and reconnect before their baby is born.

“I like the idea of couples getting away during the gestation period,” says Walt Ciecko, Ph.D., psychologist and relationship consultant. “It’s a season of change for both men and women. Couples are anticipating and contemplating the issues surrounding starting a family. But oftentimes there isn’t much energy put into nurturing the marriage relationship and preparing it for this change.”

Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, Ph.D., relationship and sex therapist, agrees. “All relationships work like a bank balance,” she says. “You have to have enough positive experiences in the love bank in order to make it through challenging times. The birth of a child is a challenging period in couples’ lives, so it’s important to fill the love bank and have a lot of fun, romantic experiences, before the baby arrives.”

This is what Shelley Dawson and her husband did. “We had talked about taking a trip for our first anniversary, then I found out I was pregnant,” she says. “When I met with my ob-gyn, I told him I was thinking about going to Europe because I knew it would be a long time before I could go again. The doctor said it was fine as long as I went before week 32.”

Dawson proceeded with plans to travel to Italy and Scandanavia, but she was careful where she went. “We had been to Europe before, so we had an idea of what to expect. We crossed off small towns and stayed with larger cities where we knew we could find an English-speaking doctor if we needed one,” she says.

As sensational as a European vacation sounds, pre-baby getaways don’t have to be that elaborate. A weekend in the mountains or a quick trip to the beach can still be a fun, romantic vacation.

For Jen and Scott Johnson, four days in St. Petersburg, Florida, served as one last fling before their son arrived. “It was April and we wanted to go somewhere warm so we could lie on the beach and swim at the pool,” says Jen, then six months pregnant. “We didn’t want a lot of touristy stuff. We just wanted to relax and be together because we knew our lives were about to change.”

But having a child wasn’t the only change on the horizon for the Johnsons. “We were building a house at the time and it was supposed to be done the day I was due, so there was a lot of added stress,” she continues.

“It’s easy for couples to get tunnel vision when they are under pressure and in their normal environment,” Ciecko suggests. “Getting away puts the pause button on usual activities and creates an atmosphere where parents-to-be can relax and reconnect.”

“I think that was one of the nicest things about our vacation,” says Shelley. “We were out of our routine and had two weeks to spend alone together—no work, no other people to deal with, just us.”

While couples are relaxing, there are productive things they can do to prepare for this life change.

“I recommend they go through a ritual where they look at the gains they had from this period in their lives—‘What were the good things in our relationship when we were a twosome? What dreams did we realize?’” says Ciecko. “Then to recognize that they are transitioning into a new stage in life and plan a strategy for keeping their relationship strong and staying together while they raise a family.”

This is also a good time to refocus and set long-term goals. Each spouse should listen to the other’s thoughts and then formulate concrete ways to move their family into the future. Both experts agree, however, this is not a time to deal with the day-to-day responsibilities of child care.

“As important as it is to cement issues about child care assignments—who is going to do what for the baby—this isn’t the time to take it up,” says Pillai-Friedman. “Save those conversations for before and after the vacation. Use this time to focus on yourselves and where you are headed. Plan to do things you both enjoy and remind yourselves of what brought you together in the first place.”

“Our vacation was one of the last times we had together for nearly a year,” says Jen. “We had nights out after our son was born, but it wasn’t the same. It was just nice to get away one last time as husband and wife before becoming mommy and daddy.”

“Couples who take time to invest in their relationship before the baby arrives will be ready to move into that next stage of life,” Ciecko concludes. “This will help build a strong marriage that will not only benefit the couple, but their children as well.”

By Denise Yearian, former editor of two parenting magazines and the mother of three children.

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These Are Signs of Exhaustion in a Child

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We all know the signs and repercussions of our own exhaustion – careless mistakes, not being able to express your thoughts clearly, crankiness. You may very well like biting someone’s head off if asked to do something, anything.

If you’re a parent, do you know when your child is exhausted? And I’m not talking about the obvious drowsy heads like when you’ve had an 8-hour day at Disney.

Did your child wake up at an ungodly hour to accommodate your work schedule and then head to school, after-care, dance class, piano lessons, homework time, and finally, Dad’s house for dinner?

Think about your child’s weekly schedule. How much time a day is spent on instrument practice, sports practice, homework, religious instruction, and chores. As they get older, there is the addition of test prep, college applications, tournaments, and perhaps a part-time job.

What happens when Mom and Dad are divorced and there is back and forth between homes, possible step-siblings, and parental tension?

According to Dr. Laurie Hollman, author of Unlocking Parental Intelligence and a psychoanalyst for 30 years, these are the ten signs to look out for:

  1. Increased crying and tantrums
  2. Acting out in school
  3. Not getting enjoyment out of certain activities they used to love
  4. Loss of appetite or overeating
  5. Telling you they are tired or bored when they’ve had enough sleep
  6. Increased fears
  7. Withdrawing into their rooms for too long
  8. Erratic sleeping or wanting you to sleep with them
  9. Losing interest in friendships
  10. Seeming to lose a sense of pleasure and vigor in general

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According to Dr. Hollman, enriching your child’s life with violin lessons or art classes is not the problem at hand. The problem is not giving our children enough time to just be kids– to play, act silly, build bunkers under the dining room table, and as they get older, hang with their friends. Dare we say—do what they want to do.

“We’re so goal oriented,” says Dr. Hollman, “everyone in the house needs time with no agenda. Additionally, parents need to curb their own anxieties about their children’s performance in their various activities.”

How should a parent handle their child’s extracurricular life? Here are six tips for listening to your child about their life outside of school:

  1. Don’t scrutinize and judge your child’s performance on their activities.
  2. Watch what you say about school activities, so you don’t push for a competitive edge too hard.
  3. Make sure they have free time to do what they want to do.
  4. Take a step back and don’t react immediately when you see puzzling behavior (“How can you know what to do about a misbehavior before you understand it?”)
  5. Collaborate with your child about which extracurricular activities they prefer.
  6. Value your child’s thoughts, opinions, points of view, and desires by listening carefully to them without interrupting until they are really finished with what they have to say.

Provided by Laurie Hollman, PhD. • lauriehollmanphd.com

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Apple Roses

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This Mother’s Day, don’t just buy your mom the same old boring bouquet of flowers. This woman gave you life! Show a little effort! You’ll be surprised how little effort it takes to make these beautiful rose-shaped apple pastries. Have your camera ready—you’re going to want to impress your Instagram friends. And mom too, of course.

Ingredients: to make 6 roses
• 1 frozen puff pastry sheet, thawed
• 2 red apples
• juice of half of a lemon
• 1 tablespoon of flour (to sprinkle the counter)
• 3 tablespoons of apricot preserve
• cinnamon (optional)
• powder sugar for decorating (optional)

Directions:
1. Thaw the puff pastry. It should take about 20-30 minutes.

2. Prepare a bowl with some water and the lemon juice. Cut the apples in half, remove the core and cut the apples in paper thin slices. Leave the peel so it will give the red color to your roses. Right away, place the sliced apples in the bowl with lemon and water, so that they won’t change color.

3. Microwave the apples in the bowl for about 3 minutes to make them slightly softer, or, if you prefer, you can simmer the apple slices in a pan of water on the stove.

4. Unwrap the puff pastry over a clean and lightly-floured counter. Using a rolling pin, stretch the dough a little, trying to keep it in a rectangular shape. Cut the dough in 6 strips, about 2 x 9 inches each.

5. In a bowl, place three tablespoons of apricot preserve with two tablespoons of water. Microwave for about one minute, so that the preserve will be easier to spread. Spread the preserve on the dough.

6. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Drain the apples.

7. Place the apples on the dough as shown. Sprinkle with cinnamon if you’d like.

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8. Fold up the bottom part of the dough.

9. Carefully roll, seal the edge, and place in a silicone muffin cup. No need to grease the muffin mold if it’s silicone. Otherwise, make sure to grease it.

10. Do the same for all 6 roses. Bake for about 40-45 minutes, until fully cooked.

NOTE: Make sure the pastry is fully cooked on the inside before removing the roses from the oven. If after 30 minutes the apples on top look fully cooked, move the pan to a lower rack in the oven, and wait for 10-15 more minutes to avoid undercooking the puff pastry.

Sprinkle with powder sugar and enjoy!

Go to siparent-com.go-vip.net to link to the original recipe on StillCracking.com.

A Letter to My Younger Self With Advice on Raising My Daughters

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Dear Younger Me:

I know you weren’t really sure you wanted to have kids, but once you became a mom you wanted to do it right. Trouble is, you were always second-guessing whether you were doing it right as you went along. And there were plenty of people along the way who sowed doubt in your mind. Take heart.

Your daughters will grow up to be competent, compassionate, loving adults whom you like being around. You’ll experience a lot of joy over the next couple of decades, but the trying times will test your spirit as it’s never been tested before. Here’s a bit of advice to help you get through the worst of it:

Whatever stage your kids are going through, it will pass. So even though you may despair that you’ll be changing diapers the rest of your life, your kids will outgrow them. While you will watch in agony from the sidelines as your daughter struggles to find a circle of friends, she will eventually find her social niche. While you will feel as though you argue about everything with your teen, you’re going to become close again.

Share your low moments with close friends and neighbors. Remember the time you locked yourself in the bathroom just to get a few minutes without a child hanging onto some part of your body? Remember sitting on the closed toilet lid sobbing quietly while the girls banged on the door demanding to be let in? Turns out, you weren’t the only one with an experience like that. In fact, you’ll find out later that at least two neighbors up the street have similar stories. If you talk to each other about the challenges you face when they happen, maybe you can help each other get through the long days.

You’ll never regret getting the membership to the zoo and taking your kids often during the year. The experiences you have there, and at the park, will be the things they talk about when they’re older and reminisce about their childhood.

Listen to the advice of professionals, but don’t be afraid to push back on their conclusions. Keep your cool when your daughter’s kindergarten teacher tells you that without expensive private tutoring she’ll always be behind in reading and in math. Hit pause when the pediatrician says your child’s persistent cough may be cystic fibrosis and she wants a lung x-ray.

Professionals may be quick to recommend extensive and invasive actions in order to be comprehensive and thorough, many of which may be ultimately unnecessary. But even though they may be more educated about the issue at hand, you are the mom, and you know your child better than they do. Ask about alternatives. Ask what happens if you wait a bit before proceeding. Educate yourself, calm yourself, then decide.

Reading to your children long after they can read on their own is one of the best things you can do. So don’t second-guess yourself when others question why you still read to your kids, even when they’re teens. You’ll discover that talking about what happens in books is the best way to find out what‘s going on in their lives.

Of course, even knowing things turn out over the long term can’t completely stop the worry. But give yourself a break. Take comfort in knowing that you’re doing the best you can. And don’t forget to get out without the kids every now and then. You’ll find that helps a lot when they’ve left home for college.

With love,

Your Empty-Nester Self

By Cindy Hudson, a freelance writer who wishes she could receive a letter from her older self, possibly as a grandmother, with advice on parenting her adult daughters.

Good Moms, Bad Moments

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bad moment for mom

During pregnancy you gave in to the urge for a Diet Coke. Gasp! You lifted heavy boxes while setting up your baby’s room. Uh oh! You ignored your doctor’s warnings not to gain more weight. Shhh!

Before your child even entered the world you probably lived through more than one guilt-producing ‘bad mom moment.’ Let’s face it, being human means making mistakes and sometimes caving to temptation. Instead of beating yourself up about how you fail as a parent, why not choose forgiveness, or at least acceptance? Take it from plenty of good mothers: we all find as many ways to mess up as there are hours in the day. Don’t believe it? See how many of these bad mom moments sound familiar:

  1. Forgetting to pick your child up from school/practice/lessons.
  2. Eating the last piece of fudge that your son had already claimed.
  3. Falling asleep/texting/talking during your daughter’s dance/band/piano performance.
  4. Locking yourself in the bathroom so you can finish the last chapter of a really good book.
  5. Placing your child’s school project on the roof of the car and then driving away with it still up there.
  6. Arriving at parent-teacher conferences in your sweats.
  7. Sneaking a pacifier/stuffed animal/blankie/other ‘lovey’ into the trash.
  8. Missing an appointment because it just slipped your mind.
  9. Letting out an expletive in front of your child (under duress, of course).
  10. Accumulating a stack of scout badges that should have been sewn onto a uniform.
  11. Accidentally leaving Santa’s special wrapping paper where your child can see it.
  12. Making your child re-wear pants/shirt/underwear/socks because the laundry wasn’t done.
  13. Tooth Fairy? What Tooth Fairy?
  14. Putting the car in drive without buckling your child’s car seat.
  15. Losing your child in a store, mall, or museum. (Just looking away for a SECOND!)
  16. Finishing the leftovers of your child’s kids’ meal, and then having him ask where it went because he’s still hungry.

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  17. Discovering a rash on your baby’s bottom because (oops!) you hadn’t changed his diaper all day.
  18. Unintentionally giving your child a black eye while horsing around.
  19. Scolding your child for leaving her dirty plate on the table, only to realize that it was your plate.
  20. Finding your son’s goldfish doing the backstroke because you neglected to feed it while your son is at camp.
  21. Telling your child he can only have two cookies for a snack and later caving to temptation and having five cookies yourself.
  22. Landing your son on the wait list for the tee ball team when you fail to log on to registration at the exact hour that it opens.
  23. Being the only parent to pack a brown bag lunch for the field trip, while everyone else’s sends money for the cafeteria because outside food is banned.
  24. Waking your teen early (at her normal time) on a late start day because you’ve freaked out that she’s going to miss the bus.

Just remember, a bad moment does not make a bad mom. In fact, your response to the mistakes you make with your kids can be growth opportunities for all of you. If nothing else, they often make for funny stories later on.

By Lara Krupicka, a parenting journalist and mom to three girls. She’s lost count of her bad mom moments, but thankfully her daughters still call her the “Best Mom in the World.”

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Mother’s Day for Every Kind of Mom

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Who doesn’t love a good ole’ fashioned handmade card and an armful of roses? I sure do. Think about it. Mother’s Day is the one day out of the entire year where moms actually get their own holiday. It’s a day that represents love, thankfulness and an overall appreciation for every time we have gone above and beyond the human capabilities of what we ourselves think we cannot do. Mother’s Day looks different for each mom out there but the meaning behind the day remains universal among us all; moms are amazing. Simply put. What type of mom are you?

For the ‘Spa Mom’

Most spas offer some sort of discounted package for Mother’s Day. Don’t see one listed on their website? No problem. Pick up the phone and call to double check. Spa managers are happy to accommodate all types of budgets; especially when mom is the receiver.

For the ‘Sporty Mom’

Take your wife to your local running store to have her feet professionally measured and analyzed so that she is sure to get the right kind of sneakers for the right kind of workout. This is something that moms don’t feel like they have the time to do but secretly want to do because their feet are oh so achy. A cute workout outfit can’t hurt either. There’s nothing like heading to your favorite Barre class in your new spandex leggings and tank top.

For the ‘Simplistic Mom’

– Do you have a mom or wife who likes to keep things simple? She enjoys the basics of everyday life and doesn’t like to fuss over flowers or chocolates? No problem. Even the most laid back, simplistic mom needs a little TLC on Mother’s Day. Treat her to breakfast in bed, a handmade card from all the kids or an afternoon nap coupled with the lights off and the door closed — no interruptions allowed.

For the ‘Super Mom’

I think we’re all super moms in our own ways but for the moms who seem to be able to do it all and do it all really well without breaking a sweat, the bar can be pretty high. I like to pull out the big surprises for these types of moms because really, they usually have a to-do list and know exactly who’s going where, what’s going on and what’s for dinner the night before they ever need to know. So, here’s the plan. Send her away for the day. Take the day off if you are the husband reading this and surprise her with a day out. When she wakes up in the morning, eat breakfast together as a family and tell her you have a few things planned for her. She will love this. You could even take it a step further and turn it into a scavenger hunt. Give her one note that says, “Your first clue is waiting for you where you brew your coffee each morning.” The ideas are endless. This type of day serves more than one purpose. First, it lets her know that you’re thinking about her. Second, it lets her know that she matters and third, it’s fun. And who doesn’t need a little fun in their lives?

For the ‘Tired Mom’

I think we’re all a little bit tired these days but you know the moms I’m talking about. These moms have a lot of kids, or have recently had a baby and don’t sleep much at night. These moms need a break…so give her exactly that. Let her have the whole house to herself. You take the kids and leave the house. When moms are tired, the last thing they want to do is think about getting ready and going somewhere. Trust me, I dreamt about this very thing when I had my very first baby. Best. Gift. Ever.

For the ‘New Mom’

Yay! This mom just had her first baby and is still glowing from the crazy hormones. These moms are the easiest to please because they’re so overwhelmed by their new precious bambino that nothing can burst their bubble. Get her a cute necklace with the baby’s name and birthstone or make a little collage book with pictures from your first days home with the baby. Yes dads, you can do this. Just grab a couple of pictures and glue them into a pretty little book, write some words next to them and voila! You have a perfect and meaningful gift that you can give to your wife and pass down to your child someday.

For the ‘Pregnant Mom’

Whether this is your first pregnancy or fifth, being pregnant takes Mother’s Day to a whole new level. You are hormonal, tired, overwhelmed (maybe) and don’t really know what you want. That’s okay. Pregnant moms always enjoy a date with their husbands. Schedule a night out and enjoy each other’s company. If you have other kids at home, get a babysitter or ask grandma and grandpa to watch them for a few hours. Your wife will love the fact that she can sneak in some alone time with you before the new baby arrives.

For the ‘Romantic Mom’

I think we all secretly want some sort of romance in our lives. This mom likes the dozen red roses, heartfelt card and chocolates in a foil-wrapped heart-shaped box. You might even throw in a few balloons and a stuffed teddy bear that says “I love you.” These are the easiest moms to buy for on Mother’s Day but for some reason, husbands often miss the mark. Spend the extra few dollars and take her out to dinner. You don’t have to bust the budget but think outside of the box and if going out to eat is not in the finances, have a picnic inside on your living room floor. Now that’s romantic.

Guys, Mother’s Day is May 8th this year and this list will give you plenty of ideas to get things rolling. Moms, you might leave this article somewhere around the house where you think (wink, wink) your husband might notice it. A little help in the idea department never hurt anyone. Because really, the whole purpose behind Mother’s Day is to acknowledge moms for the amazing people they are.

By Meagan Ruffing, a parenting journalist and mother to three. She enjoys encouraging moms everywhere and does just that in her forthcoming book, “Overwhelmed to In Control: Keeping Things Simple When Life Gets Tough.” www.meaganruffing.com

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