Archives for 2020

I Found My Child Watching Inappropriate Videos

March 3, 2020 By Jeannine Cintron

I won’t say it’s every parent’s worst nightmare, but it’s damn near close. And in this high-tech age of digital information sharing, wherein almost anyone can dig up almost anything on the internet in seconds, the risk of your child’s exposure to inappropriate material is depressingly high.

I admit I was more trusting with my kids’ devices than I should have been. I held an ignorant “not my kid” attitude when it came to the possibility of anyone discovering anything sexual in nature. Honestly, my 11-year-old son still thinks boobs are weird and my daughter is only eight. I really thought I had more time to worry about this.

That is, until the day I switched on my daughter’s iPad and was shocked to see a tab open to Pornhub, a popular free pornography website. That can’t be right, I had thought to myself. Surely she stumbled onto that site somehow by mistake. But my denial evaporated with a quick scan of her search history, where I found dozens more x-rated websites and clips.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I scrolled through the list of lewd video titles. Most of the sites were animated. Some were even dirty versions of familiar video game characters — apparently sick people specifically target children with sexually explicit cartoons. I was shaken, horrified.

She’s only eight. How on earth could I let this happen? Surely she didn’t even have a clue what she was looking at?

My knee-jerk reaction was to punish, punish, punish. Punish for an eternity, if need be. Let her watch as I toss every electronic device we owned directly into the trash, and maybe even flag down a garbage truck so she could listen as they all crunched inside the hopper blade.

As angry as I was, and physically ill, I knew deep down that punishing her was not the way to go. It would only be humiliating and could lead to damaging long-term effects. I’m no psychologist, but I knew that much.

I just wasn’t sure how to handle any of it. I needed her to understand that she wasn’t ready to see the things she saw, without shaming her for essentially being curious. I wanted to do some research to see how other parents handled it, but I hesitated to search the internet. I feared the results Google might spit out as a result of typing both the words “child” and “porn” into the search bar. Thankfully, with a carefully worded query, I found some helpful advice for dealing with my delicate situation.

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Be Prepared

As it turns out, young children being exposed to pornography is more common than I thought. Parents with kids even younger than my daughter had faced the same issue I was dealing with. All of my research seemed to emphasize the following key points:

Never shame or punish.
Discuss it immediately. Ask questions and allow the child to ask as many questions as she needs to.
Make sure your child is aware that pornography is intended for adults and is often a very unrealistic portrayal of real-life sexual intercourse.

The Talk

We sat down that night not sure what to expect. I was armed with my day’s research, but there was no telling just how it would go down in real life. What if she denied it all? What if she got upset? What if I lost my temper? There were so many ways it could go wrong.

I began by calmly explaining what I had seen on her iPad, and asking how she learned to look up videos like that. She was very quiet for a moment and her voice dropped down to barely a whisper. She replied that a friend (only seven years old!) had shown her how to type “p-o-r-n” into a search bar during a play date. I knew she was being honest because I had noticed that play date was the same day the videos first appeared in her browsing history. I thanked her for her honesty.

Next I asked if she understood what she had seen, and she replied that she didn’t but that she still found it “interesting.”

She was being sincere, and I saw exactly where she was coming from. We live in a society where sex is a very taboo subject, completely off-limits in even most adult conversations. Choosing to be open with your child about sex is each parent’s individual right and choice, but as a society we have created a stigma around the topic that makes it understandably mysterious enough to pique the interest of any curious child.

I couldn’t help but wonder… If I’d been more open about it in the past, would she have come to me right away? Would she have asked about the videos her friend had shown her that day instead of doing her own “research?”

Putting aside the “what ifs” plaguing my brain, I gave her the floor. I asked if she had any questions about what she’d seen, about her body, about anyone’s body. She asked why they were doing “that stuff” in the videos. She asked if that was how babies were made. She asked if they loved each other. I continued to encourage her questions, and her dad and I answered as openly and honestly as we could.

In the end, she promised she wouldn’t look at anymore inappropriate videos. We also stressed that the things she’d observed in those clips didn’t accurately represent what happens when two people who care about each other are together—that just like in movies and on TV shows, things are often exaggerated for effect and shouldn’t be seen as realistic.

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Prevention

Did I handle it well? Time will tell. But I did my best and I think she now has a clearer understanding of what she’d seen and why she wasn’t ready for it.

Although she promised she wouldn’t watch those videos ever again, we are still taking measures to ensure she won’t have access to them.

Setting the privacy controls on your child’s electronic devices is a must. You can easily choose which websites they can and can’t access. Instead of YouTube, try YouTube Kids. Instead of Google, you can let them use Kiddle.co (not .com), a search engine safe for children. Be sure to bookmark CommonSenseMedia.org, which offers age recommendations for thousands of books, TV shows, movies and more.

Consider downloading parental control apps that allow you to monitor your child’s app usage and web browsing, as well as block pornography and inappropriate content. Some also allow you to check all SMS and text messages, photos, and even set restrictions on device use altogether.

I plan to always monitor my daughter’s internet use in the future, as well as continue having conversations together regarding anything at all she is curious about. Keeping the dialogue open from early on might allow for a more trusting relationship as she gets older.

It’s easy to take a “not my kid” stance when it comes to pornography, but as parents we have to remain vigilant and keep the lines of communication with our children as open and honest as possible.

By Jeannine Benedicks-Cintron, a Staten Island mom of two who misses when the toughest talk she had with her kids involved running out of fruit snacks.

How Foster Care Changes Lives

October 22, 2020 By Katelin Walling

Foster care changes lives in the nicest of ways—just ask Anne Lipuma of Wantagh, NY. She still vividly remembers the day she received an e-mail from Berkshire Farms Center & Services for Youth, asking if she’d be interested in becoming a foster parent to a 3-year-old boy. Anne, who had fostered a few other children previously, decided she had room in her life and her heart to take another child under her wing. Soon, she was introduced to Dustin.

Her heart melted at first sight of her new foster child. “He had very blonde hair and hazel eyes—he was such a beautiful boy,” Anne recalls fondly. Yet Dustin wasn’t without challenges. “He knew words, but his words weren’t clear,” Anne explains. “He had been diagnosed with nonverbal autism, which wasn’t the case, but they didn’t really know.”

The preschooler had already been in two other foster homes before hers; though he’d been treated lovingly, his previous families had other children to care for and didn’t feel they could give Dustin all the attention he deserved. Enter Anne: “My kids [Vivian, 21, and Jo, 19] were older and I was retired,” she says, adding that she worked for the Long Island Railroad for more than 30 years. As Dustin’s foster parent she would be able to give him lots of time and attention.

Dustin would need plenty of both. Developmentally delayed and frustrated, he had frequent temper tantrums at first. “But I received tremendous support from my older children and friends, and also from Berkshire Farms,” Anne says. “Dustin was still having visits with his [biological] mom, and they would help with those visits. They also helped me through frequent phone conversations and support. They’d remind me to hang in there, and that things would get better.”

Hearing the Magic Word: “Mom”

Aided by special schooling, speech services, occupational therapy, and other therapeutic efforts, Dustin’s verbal abilities and behavior steadily improved. “Within a year, he began speaking more clearly,” Anne says. And even before that, she adds, he showed signs of affection and attachment. “Everyone was pretty happy about that,” Anne shares.

At first, Dustin called Anne by her name. But gradually, there was a shift. “If he was shouting out for me, then he would start calling me ‘Mom,'” she remembers. “And then it became a regular thing.” He also bonded with Jo, who still lives at home — “He just adores him!” says Anne. “Jo plays the brother/father role because of his age and his level of maturity. He’s a very good influence on Dustin.”

Becoming a Forever Family

When Dustin became available for adoption, Anne knew she wanted him to be a permanent part of the family. On national adoption day in October 2016, they made it official in court. Soon after, “We went to a formal ceremony that Nassau County has every year at a children’s museum. If you’re adopting, you’re invited,” Anne says. “Afterward, I asked Dustin, ‘Do you know what just happened?’ and he said ‘Yes, we adopted each other!'”

These days Dustin, who’s now nearly 8, “Is pretty much a run-of-the-mill, going-into-third-grade boy,” says Anne. “He is happy and expressive. He went from special education to being in an inclusion class.” It’s been a rewarding journey for Anne, too. “He has given me so much more than I can ever give him,” she reflects. “He has expanded my world so much, with so much love.”

Speaking Out against Foster Care Myths

Anne, who sometimes speaks at recruiting sessions for new foster parents, wishes more people would understand the profound joy fostering a child brings. And she wishes they would disregard the harmful myths surrounding fostering and foster care children. “One thing I often hear people saying is, ‘You never know what you’re going to get,'” Anne says. “Well, when you have a biological child you never know what you’re going to get either. People have this idea that they’re going to give birth to a perfect child and it’s usually not the case. In foster care, no one is perfect either, but kids deserve a chance.”

She has a similar response to parents who fear they won’t be able to bond with a foster child — “When you give birth you have to bond, too. Really, it’s unending whether you give birth to a child or foster a child. You’re watching this child grow, change, and develop.”

Anne also shrugs off the notion that “Foster kids are out of control, that you’re going to get hurt by these children, that they’re violent,” she says. “A lot of it’s not true. We have so many preconceived notions.” And to those people who say they only want their ‘own’ children, Anne has a counter-argument: “We’re all related on some level,” she points out. “I have a lot of love in my heart, and I can love a child who came from another person.”

Can you?

This Is How You Can Tell if Your Kid’s on Drugs

October 5, 2020 By Trevor McDonald

As we are all well aware, the drug problem is at epidemic proportions. With no “summer break” on the horizon, parents keep up their vigilance in accessing their child’s behavior. Everyone has been touched by this tragedy, whether within their own family or a family close to them. Don’t make the grave mistake of ignoring red flags because you believe it only happens to other people. However, this is not to imply that you’d have to stop your regular intake of CBD products from Swell CBD, because these are prescription drugs and would have to be ingested.

Below is some sound advice from Trevor McDonald, a recovering addict and alcoholic who uses his own painful experience to help others. We thank him for his candor.

Signs Your Child Is Abusing Drugs or Alcohol

Have you ever seen a movie where a convicted computer hacker ends up working for the feds? We’ve all seen that story play out at least once. Now, I feel like it’s my life.

I’m not tech savvy enough to be a computer hacker, but my old ways have given me some insight on how good kids can follow a dangerous path. Through many years of personal experience, I have become somewhat of an expert at spotting the signs of substance abuse. And now, I spend a lot of time helping parents identify warning signs and get involved in early intervention.

I’m not proud of this, but I certainly put my unsuspecting parents through the wringer. They didn’t want to believe I was an addict, so they ignored the signs – even when they became obvious.

Although I love them for their faith in me, I don’t want to see you and your children follow the same path.

That’s why I’ve put together some of the most common warning signs that your child is abusing drugs or alcohol. If you are noticing any of the following, it’s time to get to the root of the problem.

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They shut you out

When your kids were younger, they probably spent a lot of time telling you about their day at school. When they become preteens and teens, this naturally diminishes some. This is completely normal. But if you feel like your child is completely shutting you out, there may be deeper issues.

The issue may or may not be substance abuse, so don’t jump to conclusions until you have more information. Now is the time to talk about what’s going on.

Looking back, I realize that this was the first sign I exhibited when I started using drugs. At the time, I was glad my parents stepped back and left me to my devices, but I now realize that was the worst thing they could have done.

They start looking different

When a child gets involved with drugs or alcohol, they may or may not change their appearance, so be careful about overreacting to things like piercings or hair color. These forms of expression aren’t necessarily associated with substance abuse.

On the other hand, some changes are very closely associated with substance abuse. Look for the following signs:

Red or glassy eyes
Unnatural pupil size (too large or too small)
Constant fidgeting or lethargy
Sudden onset of poor hygiene

At first, it’s easy to write bloodshot eyes off as tiredness. But when your kid’s eyes are bloodshot all day every day, there’s a problem.

For me, it was an unnatural pupil size that my parents questioned. That’s a difficult one to explain away, but somehow I did. Be on the lookout for lame excuses, because like me, your kids will be full of them. Don’t accept anything that feels wrong, even if you badly want to believe it.

You don’t recognize their friends anymore

When a child gets involved with drugs and alcohol, it’s likely that his or her crowd will change. They may maintain some childhood friends, but they’ll probably start spending more time with kids you’ve never met.

With that said, it is somewhat normal for friendships to fade and flourish. If you notice that your child’s friend group changes, ask to meet the new friends. If your child refuses, it may be a sign that they’re up to no good.

When I fell deeper into addiction, my childhood friends wanted nothing to do with me. I can’t say I blame them. Drugs were the only thing I cared about, and I’d lie, cheat, and steal to get them. So, I fell in with a crowd that was doing the same things I was. Life was much easier that way, as long as my parents didn’t ask too many questions.

They withdraw from everything

When your kids are involved with drugs, they’re not just standoffish with you; they’re that way with life.

I was really involved in my school’s theater group before I started using drugs. I tried to keep it up through addiction, but that was impossible. Eventually, I got kicked out and spent most of my time alone.

If you notice one or more of these signs, talk to your kids about what’s going on. Whether it’s drug abuse or not, you should get to the bottom of what’s going on.

Trevor is a freelance content writer and a recovering addict & alcoholic who has been clean and sober for over 5 years. Since his recovery began, he has enjoyed using his talent for words to help spread treatment resources, addiction awareness, and general health knowledge. In his free time, you can find him working with recovering addicts or outside enjoying about any type of fitness activity imaginable.

Halloween Asthma & Allergies: Beware of Hidden Dangers

September 25, 2020 By Michelle Yannaco

Witches, ghosts and goblins are supposed to haunt Halloween but the holiday can be even more frightful for the millions with asthma and allergies who may not be aware of hidden triggers in candy, makeup, and even the air. Every year, parents of kids with food allergies have to think about ways to keep their child safe from potential allergic reactions during Halloween. About 4-6 percent of children in the United States have a food allergy. Additionally, food intolerance can often mimic a food allergy, causing nausea and vomiting. And while many kids are good at knowing what they’re allergic to, sometimes there are hidden dangers kids and parents need to be aware of. Halloween candy and other treats can have a number of hidden allergens in them, causing a life-threatening allergic reaction known as anaphylaxis. Even candy that might be free of wheat, dairy, peanuts and egg, such as lollipops, can contain trace amounts of allergens.

Following are tips to help plan Halloween parties and trick-or-treating:

Arm yourself!

If trick-or-treating is part of your plan, be well prepared. Parents of kids with allergies should carry a charged cell phone, emergency epinephrine and a bag of safe treats in case your child wants to munch along the way. Make sure kids with asthma are taking their controller medications and have a reliever inhaler with them. Their asthma could flare-up after running through moldy leaves or a fog machine.

Read labels carefully

If your child goes trick-or-treating, it’s important to check their candy before they eat any. If there’s no label on the candy, which can happen with mini-sized treats, it’s not safe for your child with food allergies. Tell your kids to say “no thank you” to a treat they know isn’t safe, or bring all their treats home to be checked out before eating.

Be wary of haunted houses

Creeping through a haunted house may be scary fun, but a visit can cause real-life fright if your child can’t breathe easily. Excitement and anxiety can sometimes trigger asthma. Running from house to house in search of treats can also trigger symptoms. If your child has asthma or exercise-induced bronchoconstriction (EIB) be sure they carry emergency medicine, such as a quick-relief inhaler, and use it regularly as prescribed to prevent symptoms.

Allergic to latex?

Many Halloween masks contain latex, so it’s best to check with the manufacturer before putting it on your child. If you are hosting or attending a party, beware of latex balloons—Mylar is a safer bet. Be sure to carry epinephrine injectors, just in case.

Menacing mold

While jumping through piles of leaves can be tempting for your little one as they are trick-or-treating, it can also be harmful. Molds are commonly found on leaves this time of year and can cause severe asthma attacks. Running through leaves can cause mold to stir into the air, resulting in high exposure. Plan ahead and talk with your allergist about seasonal allergy and asthma triggers, and how they can be avoided.

Derail dermatitis

Costumes can be more than a scary sight if your child has contact dermatitis. Their skin can be sensitive to certain irritants and allergens such as the preservatives in makeup. If your child insists on wearing makeup for the complete effect, test a patch of skin a few days before Halloween to see if there is an itchy rash or swelling — or try hypoallergenic or theater makeup. Also beware of nickel that is often found in jewelry and costume accessories, which can lead to a rash.

By Dr. Mervat Nassef, an allergist with Allergy & Asthma Network (www.allergyasthmanetwork.org)

Steps to Choosing the Right Preschool

September 25, 2020 By Sharon Schweitzer

Kindergarten used to mark a child’s first foray into formal education. But elite preschool like ovcainc.com have now taken up that mantle for many students.

Some parents may recall their own preschool experiences, mostly remembering extended moments of play and more monitored fun inside the school. But as the world of education has become more competitive, and students are required to meet certain standards at even earlier grade levels than before, preschool has undergone its own transformation.

Academic preschools have become a popular choice for parents hoping their children can gain that extra edge. Rather than the play-based philosophy preschools adhered to in the past, academic preschools introduce students to the rigors of the classroom. These academic preschools often teach math and reading. Proponents of this type of learning say that children are sponges at early ages, and the more information they can be presented with, the more they are likely to retain it. Children who are able to sit and focus for 20 to 30 minutes at a time and are very curious and ask a lot of questions may make for the best candidates at academic-based preschools. Other children may be more comfortable attending play-based schools.

While parents who hope to enroll their students in preschool may have to choose between a play- or academic-based curriculum, there are other factors to consider as well.

Is proximity to your home important?

Some parents prefer that their children’s preschools be close to home, while others want a school closer to their office. If your commute to work is long, then keep in mind that children will spend more time at a preschool close to home, which can cost more and reduce the amount of time parents and their children spend together.

Should the school be faith-based?

Religious organizations frequently offer their own faith-based preschool programs. Parents will have to decide if they want a faith-based curriculum for their young children.

Are pre- and post-care services available?

A school that has flexible hours may be appealing to some. This enables parents to drop off and pick up children according to their own work schedules or in coordination with school hours for other children in the family.

Visit the school and assess the environment.

A school may look excellent on paper, but you will not get a feel for it until visiting the school during a school day. Take your child along and get his or her opinion. Parents may love a particular school, but if kids are uncomfortable, the school may prove ineffective.

Confirm the curriculum before enrolling.

Schools may have different educational philosophies. These can run the gamut from the Montessori Method to the Waldorf Approach to the High/Scope Approach. Familiarize yourself with a school’s educational philosophy so you can be sure you are making the most informed decision possible.

Go with your gut.

Sometimes choosing a preschool boils down to a facility that just feels right. At this stage in a child’s education, schooling is about learning social skills and growing acclimated to the routines of the classroom.

Some Amazing Facts about Apples

August 13, 2020 By Michelle Yannaco

Apples are one of the most widely-grown tree fruits. They can be put to use in all different types of food applications – from desserts to sauces to beverages. As a stand-alone snack, apples are a healthy source of antioxidants and fiber. Apples have many other qualities and an interesting history. Consider these facts about apples.

Apple Fast Facts

· The term “apple” comes from the Olde English word, “aeppel.”
· Apples are believed to have originated somewhere between the Caspian and Black Seas, but now they are grown all over the world.
· The main producers of apples in the United States include the states of Washington, New York, Michigan, Pennsylvania, California, and Virginia.
· There are thousands of different apple varieties.
· Apples were taken to North America by European settlers.
· Honeybees are a popular pollinator of apple trees.
· Apple seeds contain a small amount of cyanide compound. They’re not harmful if eaten in small quantities.
· Many apple harvests are still picked by hand.
· Fifteen types of apples account for 90 percent of total production. Red Delicious, Gala, Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, and Fuji lead the way.
· A bushel of apples weighs 42 pounds while a peck weighs approximately 10.5 pounds.
· The crabapple is the only apple native to North America.
· Apple trees won’t bear their first fruits until they have matured four to five years.
· The largest apple picked weighed three pounds.
· The nutritional benefits of apples spurred the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”
· It’s fun to go apple-picking, and many people flock to orchards in September and October to pick their own apples.

Sources: University of Illinois Extension, Eat This!, Love to Know Corp., and Science Kids®.

Pick a Peck of Apples!

According to the Agricultural Marketing Resource Center, the United States produces roughly 9 billion pounds of apples each year, a distant second from China. While the state of Washington is our lead producer, it may be surprising to hear that every state in the U.S. produces apples. The availability of apples is convenient, but with over 7,500 different varieties, it leaves questions as to which apple variety to choose.

Sweet apples include Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, Gala, Fuji, and Honeycrisp. Red Delicious is a popular snacking apple but is not great for baking or freezing.

On the other hand, Golden Delicious, is probably the “Best All Around” apple, perfect for snacking, baking and freezing.

Other all-purpose apples include Granny Smith, Rome Beauty, Fuji and Jonagold. Granny Smith apples are tart and keep their shape when cooked, also making them ideal for pies.

McIntosh, a sweet-tart apple falls to pieces when cooked so is excellent for making applesauce. Winesap apples get their name from their slightly tart, spicy, wine-like flavor making them a top pick for cider.

No matter which apple you choose, allow for about 2 pounds of apples to fill one nine-inch pie. Store them in the refrigerator in the crisper drawer and away from other strong odor foods. Apples release ethylene gas, which can be damaging to lettuce and other produce. Happy apple picking!

By Jenna Smith, an educator with the University of Illinois Extension outreach program.

How to Store Fresh Apples

Apples are available year-round, but many apple lovers insist there’s nothing better than plucking an apple directly off the tree in the fall. Apple orchards and pick-your-own farms are visited each autumn by apple lovers anxious for apples’ tart and juicy taste. Many people pick more apples than they can eat in a few days, so it pays to learn how to store apples properly so none of them go to waste.

Start by picking a variety of apple that won’t go bad too quickly. Apple growers can make suggestions, but Jonathan, Rome, Fuji, and Granny Smith varieties tend to last longer than other varieties. Choose apples that are free of blemishes or soft spots. The adage that “one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch” bears some truth. Apples give off ethylene gas as they decay, and a rotting apple can quickly affect nearby apples, lettuce, or other produce.

A good place to store apples in the short-term is in the refrigerator crisper drawer where it is cool. Do not store them with vegetables, as the apples may cause the veggies to ripen or rot prematurely.

If you plan on long-term storage, a few extra steps are necessary. Apples need to be individually wrapped so they will not come in contact with other apples. Newsprint works great; just be sure to pick the pages that are done in black ink because colored ink may contain heavy metals.

Once wrapped, place each apple in a container padded with more newspaper. Store this container in a cool place, such as a garage, root cellar or screened-in porch. Apples can last a couple of months if stored in this manner. Keep apples away from potatoes, as potatoes can cause the fruit to prematurely decay.

Another way to store apples is to turn them into preserves, or apple sauce. Turning apples into candied or caramel apples also can help them keep longer. Of course, you always can bake apples into a pie as well, then freeze the pie for another day.
CLICK HERE for a list of local apple picking farms!