More Moms Are Saying No to This Baby Shower Tradition, and Not Everyone Is Happy
If you haven’t been to a baby shower lately, you might not know that they have changed quite a bit, and it’s causing tension in some families.
The drama revolves around gifts, specifically whether to open them or not at the shower. An increasing number of expectant moms are choosing to skip the public unwrapping and save it for later at home, and that decision has stirred up more family drama than you might expect, as is clear by the many people making videos about it. Some feel that skipping opening the gifts is selfish and ruins the fun.
Here are some reasons why moms are choosing to forgo the traditional gift-opening ritual:
Not everyone enjoys being the center of attention. Some people would much rather be part of a party rather than the main star. One Reddit poster commented, “ I also plan to not open gifts and have people bring any gifts unwrapped or send them directly to us. I always hated opening gifts in front of people as a kid. And honestly, still do.”
Even for the extroverts among us, it can be quite a chore to feign excitement and joy over and over again while unwrapping yet another onesie and diaper genie.
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Some people find it tacky, plain and simple. They don’t feel comfortable with having to be put on the spot and perform for the entire time the gift opening goes on. It can feel more performative than authentic, and it becomes more about the person giving the gift than the mom or the baby.
“I didn’t open any gifts at my shower. We took them all home, and my husband and I opened them up the next morning while we drank coffee and enjoyed some baked goods,” one mom shared on Reddit. “It was such a fun experience getting to open our gifts privately and talk about how cute this thing will be, or how nice it was of so & so to get us that, etc. Nothing felt “performative” like it would have in front of my shower guests.”
Guests shouldn’t feel put on the spot either. In this economy, not everyone can afford the biggest gift, and no one should ever feel compelled to spend beyond their means. When gifts aren’t subject to public view, no one has to feel that their gift is less than … and no one gets to feel that their gift is the best, either.
Opening gifts takes forever. We’ve all been to showers, whether baby or bridal, where we are tethered to our chairs for an ungodly amount of time while the guest of honor opens the presents. It’s not exactly fun, especially when you have a packed weekend schedule (and really, who doesn’t?).
It’s simply exhausting. Depending on how many guests you have, you could easily spend an hour or more opening gifts, while tearing through wrapping paper, pausing to hold each item up, and smiling on cue while photos are snapped. Late pregnancy already comes with back pain, muscle tension, and general aches, which can make this ritual feel less like a party and more like an endurance test.
Fumbles happen. When opening gifts and trying your best to do it quickly and efficiently, name tags invariably get lost. Even if you have a sister or best friend jotting down who got you what, it can be chaotic at best, and the opposite of the fun party it was meant to be.
For Some Guests, the Gift Opening Is the Best Part
On the other hand, there are quite a few guests who say the best part is opening the gifts, and they feel a bit cheated when they attend showers where gifts aren’t opened. So, in an effort to please their guests, moms-to-be have found workarounds for the people who show up to the shower looking to have their gifts opened.
Some moms plan a receiving hour, which is a half-hour or an hour before the regular shower starts. They send out invitations stating that if a guest wants their gift opened, they should come during the pre-party hour to have it done.
One Reddit poster shared, “I think it can go both ways. I love watching people open gifts at their showers, but I had mine yesterday, and we opted not to open any unless the gifter specifically requested it. It was nice to do a mix because it can be awkward to make everyone sit and watch (and I don’t want to be watched while I do it), but the people it was important to still got to share the experience.”
Others request that their guests wrap their gifts in clear wrapping so everyone can see who gave what (which may sound a little more tacky, honestly).
Another option is a sort of middle ground. Set up two gift tables. One is for gifts the parents-to-be will open during the shower, and the other is for gifts that don’t need a public unwrapping. A simple sign can let guests know where to place their gift if they really want it opened during the party.
At the end of the day, if you’re having a baby shower, you get to do it your way. It’s your celebration.
And of course, the emphasis should not really be on the gifts. As a fellow mom-to-be explained, “I’m actually going to ask people not to bring their gifts if at all possible, to buy them off my registry and have them shipped beforehand. I actually also genuinely don’t want people to buy the baby a gift if they can’t. I’d much rather them just be there, come visit us when we’re ready, and love the baby.”
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