Archives for October 2019

One of the toughest first decisions I had to make as a new parent-to-be was finding exceptional daycare for my newborn. I had to go back to work six weeks after giving birth so I began my daycare search long before my son was born. I was thankful I did. Many daycares were full and had waiting lists. A number were simply not in our budget. Others did not take such a young infant.

Begin Early

Begin your quest for a daycare as soon as you realize that you will need it. Many daycares require a deposit to hold a place for your child.

If your child has special needs that will need to be addressed, inquire if the daycare can support you in this and whether you will be comfortable. You may want to explore hiring a nanny or an in-home provider.

Ask Those Who Know

I asked daycare-seasoned parents about the daycares they used before I began exploring daycare options. Their input was helped me to decide the environment I wanted my child to be in.

Determine what your parameters are: location, cost, hours and days needed, and in-home versus a church-based or commercial daycare center. Schedule a tour of any daycare that has made it on to your final list of options. Be sure to bring your list of questions with you.

Look for a Nurturing Environment

Children require nurturing to grow healthy minds and bodies. Observe the environment as you tour the home or facility.
What is the daily schedule? How are children treated? What is the caregiver to child ratio? How does the daycare “feel”? How do the daycare employees transition children into new rooms?

Be Comfortable with the Method of Discipline

Ask how the daycare disciplines a child. If you are not comfortable with their methods, walk.
I did not think about asking about discipline until my son, and only child at that time, was kicked out of daycare at the ripe age of twelve months for biting. I found another in-home daycare for him and tearfully told the caregiver the truth. She gave me a big hug and said, “Well, that’s normal!” My son’s aggression and biting disappeared within days because he was receiving more nurturing. She also had him potty trained at fourteen months. He stayed with her until he began kindergarten.

Pay Attention to Safety and Cleanliness

What are the security procedures? Does the daycare follow them?

Check out the bathrooms. Ask to see the kitchen. Check if the caregivers and other staff embers wear gloves when cleaning up bodily fluids. How are the rooms cleaned that your child will be in? Are cots disinfected? Is bedding washed or sent home with you on a consistent basis? Are the tables and other furniture appropriately child-sized? Are the toilets and sinks? What is the outdoor play area like?

Assess the Communication Style

How proactive is the daycare with communication? Will you get a summary of your child’s day, down to the number of dirty diapers and time and length of her nap? Will you be called immediately if there is a concern? Is the caregiver approachable for questions and discussion?

Understand Expectations the Daycare Has of You and Visa-Versa

Are you expected to pay for a full-time week over a certain number of days? How do vacations and holidays work? What hours is the daycare open? Will the daycare be able to take your child early or keep her late if necessary? If so, what is the charge of doing so?

Understand the Sick Policy

Most daycares are specific about what constitutes a sick child or an infection that will not be allowed to be in daycare. A child in my son’s daycare came down with the highly contagious conjunctivitis (also known as pinkeye). I was relieved the affected child was sent home immediately and could not return to daycare until a doctor said he was no longer contagious.
As a parent you hope the daycare will follow the policies they have in place. Understand that adhering to the policy is important not only for your child, but others as well.

By Judy M. Miller, a freelance writer and a mom to four children, all of whom have spent time in daycare when young. She is a Gottman Educator and the author of What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween and .

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There is no doubt the decision to end a marriage is stressful. A careful consideration of many aspects, many of which may not be obvious, can help to navigate a successful divorce, and thus a more positive beginning to your future. Anyway, you would need some legal advice. Check out www.fennellatlaw.com/ for attorneys that can guide you through this complicated process. Here are a few important terms to know if you are at that crossroad in your marriage:

Uncontested Divorce

Uncontested Divorce tends to be a more amenable process and often a less costly alternative. Couples resolve issues necessary to divorce without going to court. Mediators and Collaborative Attorneys are experts at helping couples facilitate the terms of their “no court” divorce.

Mediation

In mediation, the couple generally sets up a series of meetings to address financial and parenting issues. Couples can choose one mediator or co–mediators, where each party feels as if they have an advocate to assist in understanding the process and offering one-on-one guidance. The couple must be able to agree on substantive issues, and there can be no issues of domestic abuse. A trained mediator can help you work through disagreements so that the terms of your divorce are your own. Consult with an attorney whom you trust.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative Divorce is another “no court” alternative where parties retain independent collaboratively trained counsel. All parties sign an agreement stating negotiations are private. The parties agree any information utilized during the collaborative process will not be used in the event the parties cannot resolve their issues. In fact, the attorneys cannot represent the parties in the event the breakdown in negotiations results in the couple going to court. This is to ensure that all parties are committed to doing anything necessary to reach an agreement.

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Contested Divorce

Contested divorce is an adversarial process where one party sues the other for divorce. Often the dissension that has existed in a couple’s marriage has escalated to a degree where the parties can no longer constructively communicate with each other. With negotiations at a standstill, spouses seek help. Generally, each party has separate counsel. If custody is an issue, the judge may appoint a third attorney, who will be paid by the parents, to represent the children. Once you file a contested divorce, you are asking a third party to decide your future. Your entire family is the subject of a lawsuit that may require additional financial and or psychological forensic experts and you must accept the fact that the result may not be what you had hoped for. The process takes time and even after a hotly contested divorce goes through trial it may take up to a year for the Judge to issue a decision. The couple must understand there is an emotional and financial cost associated with going to court.

Do I need a lawyer?

Counselors in the practice of family law generally have a good sense on how to help a spouse get what he or she is entitled to while surveying the future to help avoid common pitfalls. Laws change! Changes in the law could have a significant impact on the terms of your divorce. Divorce is final–you need to know your rights. Family law attorney in Nashville TN can advocate for your rights while making the process as quick and painless as is possible given the circumstances.

What am I entitled to?

You must first establish your marital estate. The marital estate consists of all assets and debts that have been acquired from the date of marriage until the date of filing for divorce or legal separation. Any property acquired, pensions, Annuities/life insurance policies, and other valuables, whether held jointly or in an individual’s name may be part of your marital estate. There may be separate property claims that need to be addressed. All assets need to be considered when establishing the couple’s marital estate.

Spousal support

In January of 2016, New York enacted a maintenance statute. The new law provides a formula to determine the amount of support a spouse may be entitled to from the other spouse, and guidelines for determining the number of years they are to receive support.

Children

If there are children, find a reputable attorney in West Bend and iron out issues of child custody, support, and visitation must be determined. The Child Support Standards Act governs in New York and dictates the amount of child support. Child Support is for basic needs of children, including food, clothing, and shelter. It does not include additional expenses such as the cost of extracurricular activities, uniforms, private tuition, or birthday party gifts. It is important to note that an award of sole custody does not relieve the non-custodial parent from child support obligations. The sole custodial parent, however, must make a good faith effort to include the other parent in major childrearing decisions.

Conclusion

The goal of a successful divorce is one where both parties can accept the terms of the divorce. It is the intent of the parties at the time of divorce that needs to be materialized in the agreement so that outside influences cannot pay a role. Marriages end, people move on and build new lives. After all, isn’t that the point of getting divorced? Divorce should not be rectifying the past, but looking toward the future.

By Staten Island attorney Lisa Giovinazzo, of SI Divorce and Mediation Center.

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Whether it’s juggling child care and play dates for infants and toddlers, carpooling teens to their academic, social and sporting events, or assisting adolescents with everything from college, work, and relationships, it’s easy to see how Staten Island moms of all ages often neglect themselves in order to take care of their families.

Many work around the clock – from the wee hours of the morning to the stroke of midnight – balancing a busy home life while also holding down careers. It’s no wonder they are an exhausted bunch in need of some down time to help bolster their mind, body, spirit, and improve their inner and outer health in the New Year.

Some local moms ushered in 2017 with a resolution to carve out more time in their hectic schedules for themselves — doing everything from yoga and music, traveling and ballroom dancing, and exercising and spa treatments.

“Always putting the family first doesn’t really leave much time for yourself,” admitted Elaine Gil, 40, a children’s entertainer, Zumba instructor, and realtor.

The Grasmere resident and mother of 17-year-old Mateo admitted that it’s very easy to devote energy to her family. “But, when it comes to me, it kind of gets pushed to the side,” she explained.

Like many moms, Ms. Gil, who has been known as “Bubbles” the Clown for 20 years, hopes to find more balance and time for herself in the New Year. Her hectic daily routine often includes entertaining at a children’s party, teaching Zumba, showing homes to potential buyers — and being a homemaker, mom, and wife somewhere in between.

“It’s easy to get lost in life and sometimes you forget who you are and what makes you happy.”

Weight loss and exploring different activities with her Zumba students, including yoga, kickboxing, tap dancing, swimming, meditation, and travel, are all on her 2017 wish list.

“I feel like it might make me a happier, focused, and balanced person on the inside, considering on the outside I must always have my happy face on for everyone,” she added.

Like Ms. Gil, Anakristina Santiago, a 36-year-old mother of two is always on the go – with little time to herself.

Her daily schedule begins with laying out school clothes and packing lunches at 5 a.m. and is crammed with school, extra-curricular, and sports activities – not to mention her own work schedule.

In addition to her job four days a week as a customer service associate at Walgreen’s, she also volunteers for school lunch duty five days a week, and juggles a grueling activity schedule, including dancing school with 5-year-old daughter Aubrey, two days a week, and basketball with her 8-year-old son, Stephen, three days a week.

“If you notice my workload, there is no mom time,” said the Port Richmond resident. “I live for my family 100%, and maybe I have to live 99% for my family and give myself 1%.”

While her husband, PJ, assists her with some of the responsibilities, she has since added more mommy time with kickboxing as a means of staying physically and mentally fit, and hopes to add ballroom dancing to her self-improvement repertoire one day.

Fellow busy mom Sandra D’Auria of Princes Bay shares the struggles of a 13-hour day that includes work and commuting. She’s often in mommy mode most of the time — even though Nicolette, 18, is a college freshman; Julianna, 16, is a high school junior, and Alexis, 24, is married and lives in North Carolina.

While the girls are self-sufficient – minus lots of carpooling with Julianna – she has kick-started a new jogging regimen after the “hustle and bustle” of the holidays, and is interested in treating herself to a spa massage.

“I’ve chosen to concentrate on myself more because it makes me feel better on the inside,” said the 45-year old executive assistant at Morgan Stanley and independent designer for Origami Owl.

Staying healthy means she is able to stay active in her daughters’ lives, and keep up with housework and family needs – and rest and catch up on her favorite TV shows.

Ms. D’Auria and the other moms all believe the efforts to enhance their inner and outer selves will be a win-win for them and their families.

“Taking care of myself helps me to better take care of my children,” Ms. D’Auria said.

“If I could better myself to the point of happiness, then my family would be happy too,” Ms. Santiago added.

Dawn Twomey, a 52-year-old appointment scheduler for Cardinal Timothy Dolan, agreed.  “I have a son, and aging parents, and they all want a piece of me – I cannot be any good to them, if I am not good,” said the Castleton Corners resident and mother to 24-year-old Michael.

To ease a demanding schedule that begins at 6:30 a.m., Ms. Twomey set aside two hours, three weeknights to read, talk on the phone, or other activities. “I plan to be present for myself just as I am to everyone else,” she added. “I intend to be the best version of myself that I can be. The only way to accomplish this is to take care of myself.”

Weekly yoga classes and monthly music appreciation classes also balance out her commitment to self-improvement, and one day she even hopes to visit Italy, Greece, and Egypt.

Staten Island moms say they will recognize their own needs as the New Year progresses. However, as Ms. Twomey pointed out, “I will eventually retire and have more free time, but ‘mom’ – that job will never end.

By Christine Albano, a Staten Island writer and mom of three.

Chinese New Year is a traditional Chinese holiday that dates back several centuries. Several myths and traditions are associated with Chinese New Year, which is celebrated in countries across the globe. Those celebrations vary depending on geography, but a focus on family and food is a common theme of celebrants regardless of where they live.

A traditional Chinese New Year celebration will feature a reunion dinner on New Year’s Eve. Family members gather for this celebration, which includes a large spread of food featuring dishes of pork, chicken and fish. Specialty dishes that feature meats like duck and Chinese sausage embellished only with the best casing from www.dcwcasing.com/, are often reserved for the reunion dinner and other special occasions.

Though Chinese New Year was initially only celebrated within China, it is now observed throughout the world, and celebrations tend to be more grandiose in those communities that feature a large population of those with Chinese ancestry. But celebrants need not be Chinese to enjoy the pageantry of Chinese New Year. For example, San Francisco, Calif. residents, regardless of their ancestry, can enjoy the city’s annual Chinese New Year Festival and Parade, which is the largest celebration of its kind outside of Asia.

But even those who cannot attend such celebrations can still partake in Chinese New Year festivities by bringing the party into their own homes and kitchens. The following recipes for “Asian Sausage Rolls” and “Chinese Ham and Chicken Rolls” from Vicki Liley’s “Asian Wraps & Rolls” (Periplus) make great additions to any Chinese New Year celebration.

Asian Sausage Rolls

Makes 16 rolls

16 Chinese pork sausages (lop chong)
4 sheets frozen puff pastry, thawed
1 egg, beaten
2 teaspoons sesame seeds
1/2 cup hoisin sauce

Preheat oven to 450 F. Line a baking tray with parchment paper. Using a sharp knife, trim sausage ends. Place 1 pastry sheet on a work surface and cut into 4 equal pieces. Turn each square so that one corner faces you. Brush pastry edges with beaten egg. Place a sausage 1 inch from the bottom end of each pastry square. Roll bottom end of pastry over sausage. Fold in sides, then roll to form a cylinder. Brush top with beaten egg. Sprinkle with sesame seeds. Repeat with the remaining sausages and pastry.

Place rolls on prepared pan. Bake for 15 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Remove from oven. Cut each roll crosswise into 4 pieces. Serve hot, with hoisin sauce for dipping.

Chinese Ham and Chicken Rolls

Makes 4 rolls

1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper
1/4 teaspoon Chinese five-spice powder
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
4 boneless, skinless chicken breast filets
4 thin slices ham
4 frozen square spring roll wrappers (81/2 by 81/2 inches), thawed
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 egg, beaten with 2 tablespoons milk
3 cups vegetable or canola oil for deep-frying
1/2 cup Thai sweet chili sauce

In a small bowl, combine salt, pepper, five-spice powder, and garlic. Stir to blend.

Place a chicken breast in between 2 sheets of plastic wrap. Using a meat mallet, pound very thin. Spread garlic mixture on chicken. Roll a slice of ham and place at one end of chicken. Fold sides of chicken in, then roll chicken around ham to form a log. Repeat with remaining chicken, garlic mixture and ham.

Place 1 spring roll wrapper on a work surface, with a corner facing you. Coat 1 chicken log in flour, then in egg mixture. Place chicken diagonally across wrapper, 1 inch from bottom. Fold in sides and roll up securely. Bunch edge of wrapper with egg mixture and seal.

In a large, heavy skillet, deep fryer or wok, heat oil to 375 F or until a small bread cube dropped in oil sizzles and turns golden. Working in batches, fry ham and chicken rolls until golden, 3 to 4 minutes. Using a wire-mesh skimmer, transfer to paper towels to drain.

Let stand for 3 minutes before slicing. Serve hot, with chili sauce for dipping.

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